First day of the New Year.
It has started off pretty excellently - Sleeping in with lots of cuddles with Jason. Feels good to have things settled back in place where they have felt all fractured before.
Been a slow and quiet morning - taking our time with no rush and no places to be. Exactly as I was hoping to start the New Year.
I have hope for 2014 - It seemed a sentiment people were sharing last night. Most new years come and go without me really noticing them - but this one I actually noted its new beginning and am looking forward to the changes I hope for in this coming year.
Little Apple is yet to come. Ten days away... I am so excited to see her soon. Today the ache of her absence didn't hurt so much as it felt like expectation and anticipation.
Jason asked me what my new year's resolutions were this year and I normally don't have those either. But this year I do:
1) Have a pup dog
2) Try new things before I give up on them
... Like pottery - and the blog - and a swing dance ministry.
To try them - before I give up on them - because I feel like so often I give up on my dreams before I even give them a chance to try to work out.
I have hope for this year... I guess we will have to see what it brings.
At least for today I am glad for the quiet start. For time spent in contemplation - and silence - and stillness - and peace - both outward and inward -
And for the first time in a very long time it feels like all the pieces have clicked back in place. I am ready and waiting for change in hope and expectation - but not in impatience or discontent.
It has been a long, long time since I have felt so right - and I am so grateful for it. I wish I could bottle up this peace and uncork it whenever I forget. You eventually often bring me back to this place when I inevitably wander off.. I just wish I wasn't quite so prone to wander.
Psalm 66
What a Psalm to start the new year!
Shout for joy to Go all the earth;
sing the glory of his name;
give to him glorious praise!
Say to God, "How awesome are your deeds!
So great is your power that your enemies come cringing to you.
All the earth worships you
and sings praises to you;
they sing praises to your name."
Selah
Come and see what the Lord has done:
He is awesome in his deeds towards the children of man.
He turned the sea into dry land;
they passed through the river on foot.
There did we rejoice in him;
who rules by his might forever,
whose eyes keep watch on the nations -
Let not the rebellious exalt themselves.
Selah
Bless our God, O peoples;
let the sound of his praise be heard,
who has kept our soul among the living
and has not let our feet slip.
For you, O God, have tested us;
you have tried us as silver is tried.
You have brought us into the net;
you laid a crushing burden on our backs;
You let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and through water;
Yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.
I will come into your house with burnt offerings;
I will perform my vows to you,
that which my lips uttered and my mouth promised when I was in trouble.
I will offer to you burnt offerings of fattened animals,
with the smoke of rams;
I will make an offering of bulls and goats.
Selah
Come and hear, all you who fear God,
and I will tell what he has done for my soul.
I cried to him with my mouth,
and high praise was on my tongue.
If I had cherished iniquity in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened.
But truly God has listened;
he has attended to the voice of my prayer.
Blessed be God,
because he has not rejected my prayer
or removed his steadfast love from me!
Stopping and looking back over 2013 - though I had not thought of it as a hard year - it is truly amazing what Jason and I have gone through from its beginning to its end:
- The hardship of my job at National and all the changes and pressure and the eventual letting go.
- The blessing of the summer of and living with Heather and Randy and Sarah. The new expansion of their family with the soon coming Isaac who at the time as just a Gummy Bear.
- Erik and Carolina's move to San Diego and our brief visit to see them and catching up with Allison and Jake in Boston over our first year anniversary
- Steve's passing away in July
- Us starting out new in an apartment of our own - all alone - for the first time - and the start of a new job at Nature's Outlet - and the hardship of tight finances.
- Jason's work cutting back on his hours and the really, really tight finances
- The women's conference with Mom when new life was breathed into me and I started journaling again
- The past month of heartache and heartbreak looking for a puppy dog to bring into our family and finding Apple who will come to our family soon (thought she didn't make it to us by 2013, she was ours a week ago!)
Fire and water - tested as silver is tested - and I know that the refining process isn't done and 2014 will have its own set of trials and tribulations and triumphs - sorrows and joys - but at least for now I feel like we have crested the top of the hill and can see the horizon in what felt like walking in a very dense wood with little light.
"Yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance."
Father - I give you thanks and praise for the growth of my soul. You have kept me among the living and have not let my feet slip - though it sometimes felt like the ground was giving way beneath me.
Lord - I want to remember and have it burning in my heart - TO LIVE IS CHRIST - as Steve did - and to never forget...
Too easily I wander - too easily I seek comfort and rest - rather than baptism by fire and water - rather than refinement and Your fashioning -
Yet Blessed be Your name - because You have not rejected my prayer despite that - or removed your stead fast love from me.
Come and hear - all you who fear God,
and I will tell you what he has done for my soul!
2014 will bring with it new things - new lessons - new pains - new rejoicing - Lord - I will tell the world of Your power in my life - to any who want to read or hear - i will put it out there for the telling is what is most important...
Truly Father - to you belongs so much thanks and praise - You turn our ordinary lives of drudgery and meaninglessness to works of art and beautiful stories of redemption.
I am not perfect Father - I still have so far to go - but I give you thanks and praise for all You have done in my life and all You promise to continue to do. Help me to have courage and perseverance to keep living well - to keep pushing forward - to keep learning what it means to live as Christ so that I keep pressing onward in my life until I break that final finish line and am home and free and complete at last.
Help me to never give up Lord...
Here we come 2014 - Are you ready? Because thank the Lord - I AM.
Amen.
Love, Whitney
