April 14: 2 Timothy 2:23-26

April 14, 2015

2 Timothy 2:23-26
“Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.”

Lately there have been a lot of things that have been coming out the church that have made me wonder more than once: “Do I have ANYTHING in common with these people at all?!”

A lot of things - about race issues, about same-sex marriage/relationships, about people from other faiths/beliefs/how we talk about “them."  It’s stuff that does more than just make me irritated or tired; enough of it, over sustained periods of time recently, from many different places, has legitimately made me want to walk away from relationship with certain people in the church and - if I’m completely honest, to walk away from the church-at-large, especially if this is the way we’re going to be as the “church.”

I used to think that it was just the media-skewed presentation of the church - because I can tell you hands-down that the church one encounters through media doesn’t look ANYTHING like the people I normally hang out with, do life with, and do faith with. But lately it’s little things that I feel like keep adding up from people I DO know personally, people I DO respect and call friends and brothers and sisters in Christ -  that are literally making me feel sick to my stomach. 
It's little things like articles posted that make arguments so biased towards one side that in any other setting, on any other topic, I feel like the person who has posted the article would have throw it out immediately on the basis of it being so one-sided as to be completely blind-sided.
... Comments left on articles I’ve posted that have left me speechless because my only thoughts were: “Wow… I seriously CANNOT believe you just said that… I’m completely dumbfounded that you CANNOT see how wrong what you just said is."
... And even statements made from the pulpit (by people in leadership that I respect and honor) - and I’m not talking about comments that address the fact that the issue is on the table. Mostly it’s these little jokes or asides that the majority of the congregation chuckles/nods along with, but I feel like if I WAS a person who identified with the “offending party” - be that atheist, or pro-choice, or LGBQT, or on-the-fence-about-Christianity-in-any-way-shape-or-form then that comment would just drive me in the straightest and fastest beeline I could for the exit door as-soon-as-I-possibly-could-without-attracting-notice. To be honest, even when the sermon is GREAT - it makes it hard for me to get past that snide comment to hear the rest of all the really good stuff because I keep tripping over that little feeling of sickness.

And I keep hearing people say, “We have to speak the TRUTH in love,” 
... and either we have really different concepts of what is “truth” - or really different concepts of what is “love” - because you keep saying that but I DO NOT THINK IT MEANS WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS…
 
And as for the jokes/asides, I can’t help but think about a time in elementary school someone made a joke that the majority of the people surrounding me found funny/amusing/okay-to-just-go-along-with-even-though-it-bashed-someone-else and I didn’t find it funny at all: I was on the playground and there were a bunch of white girls standing around me in a circle going “Chinese, Japanese, look-at-these” because I look (and am half) Asian. And they just thought it was "funny" - and that I shouldn't be "that mad about it" but to me - that wasn’t some “harmless joke” or "merely-offensive-because-I-didn't-agree-with-them." It looked a lot like “bullying” to me… and even if WANTED to be friends with those kids (because let’s be honest, there were times I did. And it was always a toss-up whether these incidents ended in some kind of fist/word fight or me trying to blend in), even the times I DID hang out with them it didn’t ever make me feel like I actually belonged there with them, and not surprising - none of those “friendships” ever lasted.
I honestly don't understand why there are so many Christians bewildered that people get offended and don’t actually want to listen to our “truth in love” when it feels like most of the time they’re just getting bullied. Even if you ARE nice to them, MOST of the time (as most of those girls were to me) - would YOU honestly call someone a “true friend” who was willing to sacrifice you on their altar of popularity amongst their “home tribe” “every once in awhile” for “fun”? Or behind your back?

Lately, in trying to wrestle with all these articles, comments, asides, etc. coming from the church I have also been surprised at the number of Christians who don’t understand why American people outside of the church avoid the church and Christians… and by "understand" I mean, empathize - not just “I hear what you’re saying, but let me argue with you on why you should actually be more open because that will obviously change your perception that the church really doesn’t care about YOU, just about forcing its ideas upon you.”

In the midst of me having this mental tirade with God he happened to bring this verse to mind: 2 Timothy 2:23-26.

And I had to laugh for a second because it wasn’t at all in the context of Him telling me to be quiet and not to post my thoughts on all of this (which, to be honest, I would have preferred), but for me to consider this verse and apply it. I told him: You DO realize that the Christians I’m frustrated with probably think that I’M the quarrelsome one - and that THEY are the ones who need to correct me with gentleness… and yet you’re asking ME to put myself in the position of being “kind, able to teach, patiently enduring evil - hoping that You will grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth…”
DO YOU NOT REALIZE HOW FLIPPED-SELF-RIGHTEOUS THAT SOUNDS?
… I am convinced that God is a fan of irony.



“Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels.”
I'm convinced that DOES NOT mean back off of listening, reading, talking about these current issues of race, same-sex relationships, or other beliefs - because when I look at these current issues, they are not “foolish, ignorant controversies” - they are REAL - PRESSING - REALITIES that actually affect people’s lives. And not just “people”  - but specific individuals I encounter - people I end up (or should end up) loving and caring for.
 
So what ARE foolish, ignorant controversies? To me - those are the discussions that have nothing to do with PEOPLE… and have everything to do with arguments and quarrels between ideologies, theologies, and nebulous “us” and “them” distinctions.

Let me translate this for you into what this meant for me in actionable items: Whitney, back off from engaging in esoteric debates and forge on in interacting with and loving REAL PEOPLE.

 
“And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness.”

Kind to EVERYONE… YES WHITNEY - INCLUDING THOSE PEOPLE WHO YOU FEEL ARE NOT KIND TO YOU OR OTHERS.
He bolded, underlined, and italicized that for me… I promise.
In case I had any doubts He followed it up with this: “able to teach, patiently enduring evil”
Because if I’m honest… whether it’s people’s outright angry vitriol - careless/unintentional bullying - well-intentioned, but one-sided (to the point of being blind and deaf to anyone who disagrees with them) arguments - those things can be pretty evil to endure and leave me wanting to stick my head in the sand, stay silent --> [attract-no-attention - definitely do not attempt to “teach,” attempt to “GET OUT.”]
And yet the command is - BE KIND.
Even More so: “Correct with gentleness” (not silence) - I’m still working on that one. Heavily. Given time, IF I speak up, I'll start out gently, but then by about the fourth or fifth response my true colors start showing and I’m starting to get on edge or just walking away. I would like for speaking out in gentleness to be my default reaction. It is not... staying silent or speaking out in anger is.

“God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.”
This may come as an insult that I could think that about someone else. I mean, aren’t I kind-of just flipping around the same tables I’m railing against? Personally, I find being treated with the attitude that God may someday “enlighten me” from my ignoramus to your enlightened point of view to be pretty insulting. Sooo, aren’t I just projecting that same attitude back at you if I adopt the same out look?
But actually… when I stepped back and considered actually doing this statement in love, I’d actually pretty glad to receive this kind of love. Because, in fact, I’d rather you leave me to God for Him to convince me, than for you to keep trying to convince me to come to your point of view by continuing to beat a dead horse.
… and you know, if I feel that way, I’m willing to bet you probably do too.


The other thing is, I’m not actually interested in convincing you that you need to agree with me on where we stand on race issues, same-sex relationships, atheists/agnostics/any-beiief-system-other-than-Christianity. Actually, I think if we sat down and talked about what I ACTUALLY believe on those topics, we’d find that we might have a lot in common (maybe not, but I’d hope so), and that goes for “all sides” of those debates!

I think where I’m most interested in convincing people is that regardless of what you believe about the ISSUES surrounding people’s lives, you CANNOT talk about those issues dissected from their lives and expect that people then think that you can care about them as a person/individual dissected from that issue. Here’s what I mean:
A good friend of mine is atheist - and pro-choice - and a gazillion ways very different from me.
But I love her. Even though I am Christian - and pro-life - and in a gazillion ways very different from her.
And I wish she was Christian, not because I just don’t want her to be atheist, but because I would like for her to also have a deep and intimate and complicated relationship with a really awesome God and Savior who has radically changed my life. And I haven’t ever asked her if she minds that I wish that and pray that for her, but she knows this about me, and I think if I DID ask her I think she would say she doesn’t mind me wishing that for her… in fact, perhaps she even appreciates that I wish that for her life - she just doesn’t choose it for herself, and I'm not trying to force her to.
However, I am strongly aware that whenever I talk about “atheists” or “atheism” the things I say about “those people” affects her and her relationship with me. [And to be completely honest, I don't even think about them as "those people" - because she is "my people" - and so actually (and for a lot of other reasons too) I feel like "atheists" are also my people now too.]

And you know, I don’t even wish that she was “pro-life” in all the politically charged meaning those words have — I just wish we both had better solutions for the sadness and despair that leads to abortions in this world. But regardless, I’m aware that when I talk about “pro-choice” people, the things I say about “those people” affects her, and by extension, her relationship with me.

And when we talk - I don’t talk to her about how atheism is wrong, or give her the list of 1000 reasons why Christianity is better than atheism… we talk about what she believes, how that informs/guides her life… and about what I believe - how that informs/guides my life. And because I’m not trying to argue with her, and she’s not trying to argue with me, we actually are both in a position to learn something. Of course sometimes it gets sticky I’m not going to lie - but we kinda sludge through the stickiness and find ourselves closer together (and perhaps closer to truth) than we were before.

What I DON’T APPRECIATE is when other people in the Christian faith make jokes about atheists, and then I think of her - and then it makes me mad because you just made a rude joke about a friend of mine.
And what I don’t appreciate is when other people in the Christian faith find it necessary to argue with her about what she thinks and believes about certain issues, even outright dismiss her arguments, without realizing that part of the reason she’s so passionate about these topics is because near and dear friends of hers - or even herself - have LIVED THROUGH these issues.
And what I don’t appreciate is when people say they are speaking “truth in love”… but then that “love” has no one on the other side they are actually IN PRACTICE of loving. And when I say “loving” I mean building a growing relationship with… Not just one of those “friendships” where you call them a “friend” - but if they were honest, they never felt like they actually belonged as your friend at all. And what upsets me is when that "truth" spoken in (empty) love affects someone I ACTUALLY love and have built a growing relationship with.

Someone once said that the highest form of respect and love is to LISTEN to someone… And I have really come to appreciate that whole thought. I don’t know about the rest of you all, but it is so much easier for me to talk than it is for me to listen. And when we DON'T listen, I feel like we shut people up before they even open their mouths.
And by “shutting people up” I mean — the people who took a chance to come to church with us on that morning despite all their misgivings - or took the chance to be our friends, even though they are a little afraid that we may be Bible-thumpers-in-sheep’s-clothing and are worried we might bash them over the head when we get a chance - or took the chance to enter into conversation with us hoping for open dialogue rather than argument. I do NOT mean the “media voice” of any people-group, because I am completely ok with shutting those talking-heads off because they honestly just get in the way of me having real conversations with actual people: and I’d like to say that goes for both Christians and non-Christians alike.

As a random, but important aside: I hate using my friend as an example, as though she were my “token atheist friend” - I actually probably split down the line the number of my friends who are Christian/non-Christian… it just so happens that she is one of those kinds of friends that you count on the fingers of one hand and our friendship amazes and blesses me as much my friends I count on that same hand who are Christian. I honestly think our friendship is a gift from God - and that’s why I wanted to try to explain what I mean by saying: you can’t dissect talking about an issue apart from the people it affects in relationship to you.
… because I’ve made that mistake.

To be honest, where I get tripped up the most in my relationships with my non-Christian friends is when I begin to wonder whether my “tactics are working” in my conversations with them - and I stop thinking of them as people I love, and start thinking of them as people I need to convert.
And I would be LYING if I said I didn’t have moments of struggling with thinking and treating people that way to this day. And it always hurts my relationships when I do (as it should - because it's a sin).
It almost always starts with moments of wondering whether I was doing something wrong, missing the boat, not-clearly-hearing-my-Shepherd’s-voice - because I can’t count the number of “converted souls” I’ve notched into my belt. And I mean that in every offensive way possible - because it IS offensive! It is offensive to every thing that Christ is and was and will be.
We have to stop this!
I HAVE TO STOP THIS. 

Lord, am I doing enough?! I’M NOT CHANGING THEM…
Child, I asked you to be as Christ in their lives… not change their hearts!
HOW DARE YOU THINK you can manhandle and mold the preciousness of a heart of someone that is MINE ALONE to change if it is to be changed? Love them. And in loving the people I bring into your life - speak to them truth in love (including TRULY LOVING THEM IN TRUTH) that’s all I’m asking of you.
… It’s that simple… and that hard.



… And you know what?? That directive doesn’t change whether the person I’m in relationship with is Christian, or non-Christian, or on-the-fence-Christian, or Christian-I-don’t-agree-with, or none of the above. In other words - that directive holds true for all people, in all cases, at all times.

“God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.”

This was written by Paul to Timothy about his relationship with other believers in the church. So when I asked God: Do I have ANYTHING in common with these people? Can’t I walk away from relationship with them? He said "Christ. And Christ Alone." 

You know, sometimes it may legitimately be our only unity in the church IS in Christ, and Christ alone... and truthfully, that is where our unity solely depends.
But Christ alone is reason enough that I can't walk away from the relationships with people in the church that I might want to walk away from. He's also reason enough for me to hope and pray for a repentance that leads to a knowledge of the truth amongst those in the church I disagree with…

… and if you happen to be praying that for me on the other side - I actually, honestly, really, truly do thank you. And I hope you can also be glad that I would be praying that for you too.

April 3: Good Friday

April 3, 2015
Nearly every Good Friday service, every year, I end up crying my entire way through the service. There’s a lot of people around me who can make it through the service without all the ugly tears - so don’t take this as an “uber-Christian-weird-emotional-thing” but for me every year Good Friday is essentially attending the memorial service of a really, really good friend who died a violent and brutal death out of love and compassion for others, and those “others” include me.

This isn’t just any friend. This is the kind of friend who you sit down with and have long conversations with over tea. Take one of those genuine people who just really wants to know someone for who they are, who strives to love each person for who they are, and that’s the kind of person who Christ is to me. In fact, this is a friend who not only wants to know me for all of who I am - in all my good and bad - and pushes me to be that “unmasked person” as much as I possibly can around them all the time (and loves me through all of that) but this is the kind of friend who wants to know me so much that he crawls into the hole of my suffering so that he can understand what I’m going through - so that he can be a better friend to me and love me in the way I need to be loved right in the midst of my pain.

… and it isn’t just me - it’s everyone in the world He loves that much.

Isaiah 53 says:
"Surely He has borne our griefs

And carried our sorrows;

Yet we esteemed Him stricken,

Smitten by God, and afflicted
But He was wounded for our transgressions,

He was bruised for our iniquities;

The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,

And by His stripes we are healed.
All we like sheep have gone astray;

We have turned, every one, to his own way;

And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all." (NKJV)

I honestly believe that when it says “He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows” - that literally what that means is that when Christ was carrying the cross, he was LITERALLY bearing the weight of the griefs and sorrows of humanity - all our pain - across all of time.
To me this means that he experienced the horror of war, the constant struggle of poverty, the despair of hopelessness.
He experienced the pain of parents who have lost a child, the loneliness of an orphan, the ache of a missing spouse.
He experienced being oppressed, abused, misused, betrayed.
He knows what it is to be misunderstood - to be the outsider/outcast/weirdo.
He experienced the suffering of someone dying from cancer/parkinson’s/alzheimer's/dementia/etc., as well as the pain of their family and loved ones as they watch the person they love waste away.
He gets what it feels like to be without a voice - to be disabled, have cerebral palsy, down syndrome, autism, asperger’s, depression, anxiety attacks.
He was me - when I was a teenager with parents going through a divorce.
The awkward kid growing up and being a general misfit.
The broken heart from my first romance.
He IS me -
With my daily frustrations, grievances, sorrows, and pains.
And all the million hairline fractures and gaping fissures of heartaches and fears that still lay ahead of me in having kids, trying to be a good mom, do well at my job, grow old (or maybe not so old), and eventually die - and who knows what else along the way.

When it says that the Lord “hath laid on Him the iniquity of us all” - I actually believe that when Christ was nailed on the cross that he experienced all the brokenness and pain of humanity - of all time - and bore every. single. bit of it.
This means that he was the rape victim - and the rapist.
He was the molested child - and the pedophile.
He was the trembling kid hiding under the bed in tears and bruises - and the alcoholic dad.
He was the beaten up “loser” - and the class bully.
He was the person experiencing racism - and the bigot.
He was the murder victim - and the murderer.
He was the children in Syria - and ISIS.
He was the LGBTQ teenager who felt driven to commit suicide - and the classmates who thought he/she deserved to die.
He was the person bearing the brunt of the little white lie that diverted the blame - and the person who told it.
He was the person cut by the insult, and the person who wanted to get back at the other by any means possible.
Everything - from the most heinous and atrociously evil act that has ever been done in this world - to the most innocuous and everyday things we do that we know are inherently wrong - all of those sins AND the full consequences of all those actions were laid on him to bear the “chastisement” and punishment so that justice would be done - and yet peace and reconciliation could be restored.

To me - the only way he could have borne all of that and not died in an instant - is because He IS fully God and fully Man. Because if He was just God - he couldn’t have borne it as one of us. And if he was just Man - he wouldn’t have been able to withstand that amount of agony and evil.

Which begs the question of Why??

Hebrews 2:17-18, 4:14-16, 5:7-10 says:

Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted...   


Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. 

In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence. Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered. And being made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation to all who obey him, being designated by God a high priest after the order of Melchizedek. (ESV)


For a long time I really struggled with what it meant when it says that Christ was “made perfect” through suffering… isn’t God supposed to ALREADY BE perfect? How could he be “made perfect,” ESPECIALLY through suffering?
Until it dawned on me… that because God IS perfect, Christ COULDN’T be the perfect mediator for us UNLESS he experienced suffering and sin.
“Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect,” because otherwise… how could he actually be the bridge between imperfect men and a perfect God?
Experiencing suffering - bearing our sorrows and griefs and the chastisement of our peace - is what made Him the perfect mediator for us… and because of that He can honestly say to God: “Dad, I’ve been there. I’ve been IN HER SHOES. You don’t know what it’s like, but I do. Perfectly. And I’m asking you to let me cover for her. We agreed that justice had to be done, and I’m willing to take both her sin and the pain it causes - let’s reconcile and bring her back in love.”


I don’t know who Christ may be to you… but I can understand why a lot of people may recoil at the name. He might be the excuse someone gave you to refuse serving you or a loved one because you/they are gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender/queer - or the reason your parents gave you for throwing you out of the house when you told them you were LGBTQ - or told them you were pregnant - or that you weren’t going to go to church anymore because you were following another religion/weren’t following one at all. Perhaps He’s the reason the pastor/priest gave you or your mother or sister/friend for why you/they should go back to that abusive marriage. Maybe you associate Him with the Westboro Church - or people picketing outside of abortion clinics - or those people standing on corners holding signs with lists of all the people God hates.
Or maybe you don’t believe that there is a God at all - and all those people are crazy. Or if there is a God, maybe there’s a lot of them… Or maybe you grew up in the Christian church and you’ve had your fair share of being burned and also being embraced by people in the church.

Whatever the case may be, I hope that you know at least one or two or perhaps quite a few decent people who are Christian - and maybe it just seems like one of those odd parts of their personality that you don’t really get, but I hope it actually makes them kinder/more compassionate people.

But if there is a God out there - which I hope (and believe) that there is - then at least I wanted to share with you that the Christ that I worship and adore and want to follow - is the kind-of friend who is crawling into your hole of suffering to be there with you.
Who has come out of a place of privilege - complete and utter perfection even - to experience imperfection and suffering - to go through heartache and headache, tiredness, pain, frustration, even torture and death - to bear your sorrows and griefs, from the everyday to the extreme - to take upon himself the chastisement of peace and reconciliation - so that He could better know and understand you. So that He could be a voice alongside of you. So that He could love you - TRULY love you - and fully understand what that means. So that He could be the perfect propitiation - instill perfect justice - and yet achieve restored relationship with you - and not just any relationship... but the kind of relationship that is deep and abiding and soul-giving and soul-enriching. The kind of relationship that holds through pain and suffering and horror and fire and joy and reconciliation and new beginnings and all the cycles of life.

He’s the kind of friend at whose memorial service every year I have tears streaming down my face because I wish I could understand more of how much He loves me… I wish you could understand more of how much He loves you…  I wish I could understand more of how much He loves you… because I think if we did - it would truly and honestly revolutionize our world.