April 14: 2 Timothy 2:23-26

April 14, 2015

2 Timothy 2:23-26
“Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.”

Lately there have been a lot of things that have been coming out the church that have made me wonder more than once: “Do I have ANYTHING in common with these people at all?!”

A lot of things - about race issues, about same-sex marriage/relationships, about people from other faiths/beliefs/how we talk about “them."  It’s stuff that does more than just make me irritated or tired; enough of it, over sustained periods of time recently, from many different places, has legitimately made me want to walk away from relationship with certain people in the church and - if I’m completely honest, to walk away from the church-at-large, especially if this is the way we’re going to be as the “church.”

I used to think that it was just the media-skewed presentation of the church - because I can tell you hands-down that the church one encounters through media doesn’t look ANYTHING like the people I normally hang out with, do life with, and do faith with. But lately it’s little things that I feel like keep adding up from people I DO know personally, people I DO respect and call friends and brothers and sisters in Christ -  that are literally making me feel sick to my stomach. 
It's little things like articles posted that make arguments so biased towards one side that in any other setting, on any other topic, I feel like the person who has posted the article would have throw it out immediately on the basis of it being so one-sided as to be completely blind-sided.
... Comments left on articles I’ve posted that have left me speechless because my only thoughts were: “Wow… I seriously CANNOT believe you just said that… I’m completely dumbfounded that you CANNOT see how wrong what you just said is."
... And even statements made from the pulpit (by people in leadership that I respect and honor) - and I’m not talking about comments that address the fact that the issue is on the table. Mostly it’s these little jokes or asides that the majority of the congregation chuckles/nods along with, but I feel like if I WAS a person who identified with the “offending party” - be that atheist, or pro-choice, or LGBQT, or on-the-fence-about-Christianity-in-any-way-shape-or-form then that comment would just drive me in the straightest and fastest beeline I could for the exit door as-soon-as-I-possibly-could-without-attracting-notice. To be honest, even when the sermon is GREAT - it makes it hard for me to get past that snide comment to hear the rest of all the really good stuff because I keep tripping over that little feeling of sickness.

And I keep hearing people say, “We have to speak the TRUTH in love,” 
... and either we have really different concepts of what is “truth” - or really different concepts of what is “love” - because you keep saying that but I DO NOT THINK IT MEANS WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS…
 
And as for the jokes/asides, I can’t help but think about a time in elementary school someone made a joke that the majority of the people surrounding me found funny/amusing/okay-to-just-go-along-with-even-though-it-bashed-someone-else and I didn’t find it funny at all: I was on the playground and there were a bunch of white girls standing around me in a circle going “Chinese, Japanese, look-at-these” because I look (and am half) Asian. And they just thought it was "funny" - and that I shouldn't be "that mad about it" but to me - that wasn’t some “harmless joke” or "merely-offensive-because-I-didn't-agree-with-them." It looked a lot like “bullying” to me… and even if WANTED to be friends with those kids (because let’s be honest, there were times I did. And it was always a toss-up whether these incidents ended in some kind of fist/word fight or me trying to blend in), even the times I DID hang out with them it didn’t ever make me feel like I actually belonged there with them, and not surprising - none of those “friendships” ever lasted.
I honestly don't understand why there are so many Christians bewildered that people get offended and don’t actually want to listen to our “truth in love” when it feels like most of the time they’re just getting bullied. Even if you ARE nice to them, MOST of the time (as most of those girls were to me) - would YOU honestly call someone a “true friend” who was willing to sacrifice you on their altar of popularity amongst their “home tribe” “every once in awhile” for “fun”? Or behind your back?

Lately, in trying to wrestle with all these articles, comments, asides, etc. coming from the church I have also been surprised at the number of Christians who don’t understand why American people outside of the church avoid the church and Christians… and by "understand" I mean, empathize - not just “I hear what you’re saying, but let me argue with you on why you should actually be more open because that will obviously change your perception that the church really doesn’t care about YOU, just about forcing its ideas upon you.”

In the midst of me having this mental tirade with God he happened to bring this verse to mind: 2 Timothy 2:23-26.

And I had to laugh for a second because it wasn’t at all in the context of Him telling me to be quiet and not to post my thoughts on all of this (which, to be honest, I would have preferred), but for me to consider this verse and apply it. I told him: You DO realize that the Christians I’m frustrated with probably think that I’M the quarrelsome one - and that THEY are the ones who need to correct me with gentleness… and yet you’re asking ME to put myself in the position of being “kind, able to teach, patiently enduring evil - hoping that You will grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth…”
DO YOU NOT REALIZE HOW FLIPPED-SELF-RIGHTEOUS THAT SOUNDS?
… I am convinced that God is a fan of irony.



“Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels.”
I'm convinced that DOES NOT mean back off of listening, reading, talking about these current issues of race, same-sex relationships, or other beliefs - because when I look at these current issues, they are not “foolish, ignorant controversies” - they are REAL - PRESSING - REALITIES that actually affect people’s lives. And not just “people”  - but specific individuals I encounter - people I end up (or should end up) loving and caring for.
 
So what ARE foolish, ignorant controversies? To me - those are the discussions that have nothing to do with PEOPLE… and have everything to do with arguments and quarrels between ideologies, theologies, and nebulous “us” and “them” distinctions.

Let me translate this for you into what this meant for me in actionable items: Whitney, back off from engaging in esoteric debates and forge on in interacting with and loving REAL PEOPLE.

 
“And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness.”

Kind to EVERYONE… YES WHITNEY - INCLUDING THOSE PEOPLE WHO YOU FEEL ARE NOT KIND TO YOU OR OTHERS.
He bolded, underlined, and italicized that for me… I promise.
In case I had any doubts He followed it up with this: “able to teach, patiently enduring evil”
Because if I’m honest… whether it’s people’s outright angry vitriol - careless/unintentional bullying - well-intentioned, but one-sided (to the point of being blind and deaf to anyone who disagrees with them) arguments - those things can be pretty evil to endure and leave me wanting to stick my head in the sand, stay silent --> [attract-no-attention - definitely do not attempt to “teach,” attempt to “GET OUT.”]
And yet the command is - BE KIND.
Even More so: “Correct with gentleness” (not silence) - I’m still working on that one. Heavily. Given time, IF I speak up, I'll start out gently, but then by about the fourth or fifth response my true colors start showing and I’m starting to get on edge or just walking away. I would like for speaking out in gentleness to be my default reaction. It is not... staying silent or speaking out in anger is.

“God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.”
This may come as an insult that I could think that about someone else. I mean, aren’t I kind-of just flipping around the same tables I’m railing against? Personally, I find being treated with the attitude that God may someday “enlighten me” from my ignoramus to your enlightened point of view to be pretty insulting. Sooo, aren’t I just projecting that same attitude back at you if I adopt the same out look?
But actually… when I stepped back and considered actually doing this statement in love, I’d actually pretty glad to receive this kind of love. Because, in fact, I’d rather you leave me to God for Him to convince me, than for you to keep trying to convince me to come to your point of view by continuing to beat a dead horse.
… and you know, if I feel that way, I’m willing to bet you probably do too.


The other thing is, I’m not actually interested in convincing you that you need to agree with me on where we stand on race issues, same-sex relationships, atheists/agnostics/any-beiief-system-other-than-Christianity. Actually, I think if we sat down and talked about what I ACTUALLY believe on those topics, we’d find that we might have a lot in common (maybe not, but I’d hope so), and that goes for “all sides” of those debates!

I think where I’m most interested in convincing people is that regardless of what you believe about the ISSUES surrounding people’s lives, you CANNOT talk about those issues dissected from their lives and expect that people then think that you can care about them as a person/individual dissected from that issue. Here’s what I mean:
A good friend of mine is atheist - and pro-choice - and a gazillion ways very different from me.
But I love her. Even though I am Christian - and pro-life - and in a gazillion ways very different from her.
And I wish she was Christian, not because I just don’t want her to be atheist, but because I would like for her to also have a deep and intimate and complicated relationship with a really awesome God and Savior who has radically changed my life. And I haven’t ever asked her if she minds that I wish that and pray that for her, but she knows this about me, and I think if I DID ask her I think she would say she doesn’t mind me wishing that for her… in fact, perhaps she even appreciates that I wish that for her life - she just doesn’t choose it for herself, and I'm not trying to force her to.
However, I am strongly aware that whenever I talk about “atheists” or “atheism” the things I say about “those people” affects her and her relationship with me. [And to be completely honest, I don't even think about them as "those people" - because she is "my people" - and so actually (and for a lot of other reasons too) I feel like "atheists" are also my people now too.]

And you know, I don’t even wish that she was “pro-life” in all the politically charged meaning those words have — I just wish we both had better solutions for the sadness and despair that leads to abortions in this world. But regardless, I’m aware that when I talk about “pro-choice” people, the things I say about “those people” affects her, and by extension, her relationship with me.

And when we talk - I don’t talk to her about how atheism is wrong, or give her the list of 1000 reasons why Christianity is better than atheism… we talk about what she believes, how that informs/guides her life… and about what I believe - how that informs/guides my life. And because I’m not trying to argue with her, and she’s not trying to argue with me, we actually are both in a position to learn something. Of course sometimes it gets sticky I’m not going to lie - but we kinda sludge through the stickiness and find ourselves closer together (and perhaps closer to truth) than we were before.

What I DON’T APPRECIATE is when other people in the Christian faith make jokes about atheists, and then I think of her - and then it makes me mad because you just made a rude joke about a friend of mine.
And what I don’t appreciate is when other people in the Christian faith find it necessary to argue with her about what she thinks and believes about certain issues, even outright dismiss her arguments, without realizing that part of the reason she’s so passionate about these topics is because near and dear friends of hers - or even herself - have LIVED THROUGH these issues.
And what I don’t appreciate is when people say they are speaking “truth in love”… but then that “love” has no one on the other side they are actually IN PRACTICE of loving. And when I say “loving” I mean building a growing relationship with… Not just one of those “friendships” where you call them a “friend” - but if they were honest, they never felt like they actually belonged as your friend at all. And what upsets me is when that "truth" spoken in (empty) love affects someone I ACTUALLY love and have built a growing relationship with.

Someone once said that the highest form of respect and love is to LISTEN to someone… And I have really come to appreciate that whole thought. I don’t know about the rest of you all, but it is so much easier for me to talk than it is for me to listen. And when we DON'T listen, I feel like we shut people up before they even open their mouths.
And by “shutting people up” I mean — the people who took a chance to come to church with us on that morning despite all their misgivings - or took the chance to be our friends, even though they are a little afraid that we may be Bible-thumpers-in-sheep’s-clothing and are worried we might bash them over the head when we get a chance - or took the chance to enter into conversation with us hoping for open dialogue rather than argument. I do NOT mean the “media voice” of any people-group, because I am completely ok with shutting those talking-heads off because they honestly just get in the way of me having real conversations with actual people: and I’d like to say that goes for both Christians and non-Christians alike.

As a random, but important aside: I hate using my friend as an example, as though she were my “token atheist friend” - I actually probably split down the line the number of my friends who are Christian/non-Christian… it just so happens that she is one of those kinds of friends that you count on the fingers of one hand and our friendship amazes and blesses me as much my friends I count on that same hand who are Christian. I honestly think our friendship is a gift from God - and that’s why I wanted to try to explain what I mean by saying: you can’t dissect talking about an issue apart from the people it affects in relationship to you.
… because I’ve made that mistake.

To be honest, where I get tripped up the most in my relationships with my non-Christian friends is when I begin to wonder whether my “tactics are working” in my conversations with them - and I stop thinking of them as people I love, and start thinking of them as people I need to convert.
And I would be LYING if I said I didn’t have moments of struggling with thinking and treating people that way to this day. And it always hurts my relationships when I do (as it should - because it's a sin).
It almost always starts with moments of wondering whether I was doing something wrong, missing the boat, not-clearly-hearing-my-Shepherd’s-voice - because I can’t count the number of “converted souls” I’ve notched into my belt. And I mean that in every offensive way possible - because it IS offensive! It is offensive to every thing that Christ is and was and will be.
We have to stop this!
I HAVE TO STOP THIS. 

Lord, am I doing enough?! I’M NOT CHANGING THEM…
Child, I asked you to be as Christ in their lives… not change their hearts!
HOW DARE YOU THINK you can manhandle and mold the preciousness of a heart of someone that is MINE ALONE to change if it is to be changed? Love them. And in loving the people I bring into your life - speak to them truth in love (including TRULY LOVING THEM IN TRUTH) that’s all I’m asking of you.
… It’s that simple… and that hard.



… And you know what?? That directive doesn’t change whether the person I’m in relationship with is Christian, or non-Christian, or on-the-fence-Christian, or Christian-I-don’t-agree-with, or none of the above. In other words - that directive holds true for all people, in all cases, at all times.

“God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.”

This was written by Paul to Timothy about his relationship with other believers in the church. So when I asked God: Do I have ANYTHING in common with these people? Can’t I walk away from relationship with them? He said "Christ. And Christ Alone." 

You know, sometimes it may legitimately be our only unity in the church IS in Christ, and Christ alone... and truthfully, that is where our unity solely depends.
But Christ alone is reason enough that I can't walk away from the relationships with people in the church that I might want to walk away from. He's also reason enough for me to hope and pray for a repentance that leads to a knowledge of the truth amongst those in the church I disagree with…

… and if you happen to be praying that for me on the other side - I actually, honestly, really, truly do thank you. And I hope you can also be glad that I would be praying that for you too.