January 27, 2014
Late day going into work - working in the evening. I like it - almost feels like having a day off through I tend to be more productive it seems when I know I have to go into work later on =P
Spent some time in the pottery studio - Still fighting that sense of fear every time I throw something... Thinking to myself that I'm not working fast enough, producing enough, or at a high enough quality that I think it will sell.
This same fear of failure that pops up every time I write - wonder if I'll ever be rid of it.
One day at a time.
If I let my mind start I could let worry eat away at my whole life like a cancer.
Psalm 83
"O God, do not keep silence;
do not hold your peace or be still, O God!
For behold, your enemies make an uproar;
those who hate you have raised their heads.
They lay crafty plans against your people;
they consult together against your treasured ones."
The thing that caught my attention first in the Psalm is that you call us your "treasured ones" - it's a remark of such loving kindness that it just surprises me again - Your great affection for us... And that contrast between those who are your treasured ones versus your enemies.
Who are your enemies Lord? I know in a theoretical sense that it is all who reject you- but what does that mean? And why do we - any of us - including myself - reject you?
Personally I know I reject you most often because I feel what you ask of me is too much or too hard. Sometimes because there is no guarantee but the guarantee of faith - it makes me wonder - why follow You? Why believe in You? Total devotion - knowing no matter how much I give it will never be enough - and you acknowledge that but ask me to give it anyway... THAT is hard.... Give in trust or in sacrifice or in obedience - to lay my life down rather than serve my own interests - and not just every once in a while - but as a lifestyle - that our lives are meant to be living sacrifices - that is hard... Very hard.
Why do other people reject you? Because something seems inconsistent or not distinct enough from the others. How is Christianity any different than any other religion that inspires people to live a better life? Or in some cases, a worse one? Sure - WE believe in grace sufficient and alone to bring us to an eternal life we can neither prove nor guarantee - but it doesn't explain why someone else should believe.
According to Your Word - those who do not choose you are choosing NOT you -
And therefore, they are your enemy.
It's hard for me to wrap my head around that. Hard for me to accept that you have enemies - hard for me to preach that you have enemies - hard for me to see the reason why you have enemies... and what that all means today.
Other than in your Word - it is hard for me to see how people hate you today - Mostly I feel like their anger stems from feeling You have no right to tell us how we ought to spend our lives... that no one does - even though I think that truth (that other people/forces dictate our lives) is a truth we submit to everyday just by living in society.
Asaph (and many of the Psalms) ask that you wipe your enemies off the earth - put them to shame - let them be disgraced forever - but I feel like those are no longer prayers I can pray because I was once your enemy - and sometimes STILL reject You and fight against You and treat You as my enemy...
I can't ask that people who are in the same heart condition of mine (i.e., finding You hard to hold onto - hard to believe in - hard to follow) I can't ask for them to be destroyed, only that by greater grace and greater forgiveness and greater power than we have - that You would help us believe - follow - trust - in You. I know that by my own power and strength - I too oppose you - I too find you hard to stomach - I also reject you.
So how can I ask or pray that others who are in that same spot be cast out? Rather - I pray that they may be drawn near.
Drawn near - why? Because despite the hardness - relationship with you is good... and it really is life transforming.
I guess that's what Paul meant (or was it Christ?) who said "pray for your enemies - bless, don't curse them."
What enemies in people do I have? Not many - But I know many who are enemies of You - including myself at times (more times than I sometimes care to admit to myself).
Father I pray that You would draw us nearer... knowing that while we were yet sinners - while we were/are yet your enemies - Christ died for us. Father - your teachings are hard - They are hard to believe - They are hard to follow - they are hard to share... Help us Father - that's all I know to ask. Help us to have open eyes and open ears and open hearts - to draw us nearer, even when we are fighting you - to teach and mold us - even when we are rejecting You.
Lord, I pray that I would be a witness of Your power in brokenness - Your love in our failings. It is hard for us to admit we need anything - especially a divine being we can neither prove nor guarantee - who asks very hard things of us in faith...
Faith is a mystery - Trust in You is an impossible leap for us to make alone - and so Lord - I pray for all of us - not that Your wrath would be poured out - But Your Spirit instead - to break down barriers in hearts and to help us believe the impossible truth of your love.
Help us to understand what it means to be your treasured ones - not your enemies.
Amen.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Sunday, January 26, 2014
January 24: Psalm 82
January 24, 2014
Day off. Spent the morning napping and reading. It is a rare luxury!
Enjoying the silence and stillness of solitude.
Apple sleeps cuddled up next to me - wouldn't sleep this morning of course when I hoped to sleep in! But she sleeps now that I am totally awake =P
I love watching her sleep though. There's something about watching small creatures sleep that is so restive to the soul... like all the world could be in ruin but as long as a baby sleeps there is some shred of peace still left in it.
How I love the luxury of time on a day off - like I can stretch out in it and breathe in it. Already so full of things that should be done and need to be done and yet none as important as feeling the length and depth and freedom of the day. Time is such a gift that we so often unthinkingly waste.
Psalm 82
It must be the influence of reading Dune lately - but I feel like so often when reading the Bible I miss or forget the ancient-ness of its writing. The history and story and tradition and culture steeped in its words. There is something ancient and mystical and powerful that I feel we have lost touch with in our sterilized modern world. Some bits of primal understanding rooted within us that die in the face of scientific fact and rigor. I've absorbed that rigor as a part of the cultural air I breathe - as part of my framework and understanding of the world. So woven throughout my way of thinking and point of view that it is rare for me to be able to shake off a bit of it - to be shocked into a different awareness... Good books are re-teaching and re-framing perspective. Sometimes the beauty of a moment or the intangible quality that shifts ordinary to extraordinary. I feel like I was more in tune with it as a kid and have lost more of my awareness of it as I've gotten older... that link to the world we can't see - the spirit world outside of the scientific empirical world... The world of truth in fiction - where truth is sometimes clearer than fact...
It's just shifted a bit for me - reading these ancient words and feeling their mystery:
"I said 'You are gods, sons of the Most High, all of you;
nevertheless, like men you shall die,
and fall like any prince.'"
That tension between our potential and our failings.
We are all like gods - capable of so much - yet - like all men, we will die - and fall like even the princes amongst men must fall.
Unlike us - God stands council over the divine realms - in the midst of gods who are no stronger or weaker than we - He holds judgment and will judge the earth and all its nations...
Supreme over all...
Feel the mystery of that - we are just as strong as any of the gods of men... Capable of so much. Perhaps in different capacities of the gods we create that capture our imagination - Greek, Roman, Egyptian, science-fiction, spirit-world, fairy world - I love these stories because there are elements of truth and reality in them that cannot be explained by fact - these gods of our imagination give vision and direction to the works of our hands.
The imagination of man is powerful indeed - driving the sciences - driving our actions - propelling us forward - giving us direction and meaning and framing our lives.
And yet this power - this power that makes us as gods on the earth - will perish - wither - is susceptible to corruption and death despite our efforts to escape that destiny - through one mechanism or another.
We are perishable gods.
So full of so much potential and so much power - wasted and thrown away - perishing in the corruption of our very natures - the fact that we are jars of clay.
And despite that - death is not an enemy - but a friend. A release from the prison of the corruptible into the incorruptible - when the imagination that hints at this world just beyond the reach of our understanding will finally be open to us... The power of our imagination a sudden reality at our hands.
Heaven must be a place of no corruption - because Hell must be the reality of our imagination corrupted - running wild.
No wonder God looked at man with the tower of Babel and said: "This is only the beginning of what they will do. And nothing that they propose to do will now be impossible for them. Come, let us go down and there confuse their language, so that they may not understand one another's speech." (Gen 11:6-7)
You gave us such imagination Lord - planted within us an awareness and link to the Spirit world that is Your reality - the realm of endless possibilities - that will one day be home and reality for us...
Calling us homeward.
We so often stuff and ignore it. Realize only the smallest potential of what we could be:
"Give justice to the weak and to the fatherless;
maintain the right of the afflicted and destitute.
Rescue the weak and the needy;
deliver them from the hand of the wicked."
We have this capacity - had this capacity - but confused and corrupted and broken in the wake of our breakage between heaven and earth and all right relationships so that:
"We have neither knowledge nor understanding,
we walk about in darkness;
All the foundations of the earth are shaken."
Arise, O God - judge the earth -
set it back to right relationships where things as they should will flourish - uncorrupted - put back to their full potential beyond the wildest imagination of good men.
We will get there one day.
We will be there one day -
Set free form the corruptible.
From when all things turn sour and go into decay.
What a vision of a future...
The way to which we do not know
"I AM THE WAY"
as You told Thomas (John 14:6)
"Do you still not know me - after all this time?"
I am still learning Father - and want to keep learning... Seal in me the mysteries that I cannot begin to scratch the surface of - open my awareness to the world that is ours - and yet seems just beyond our reach - What we are meant for and have lost. Give me a vision Father - a vision and the courage to share that vision with others.
... How? How can I do it in a world that sees these mysteries and shies away from them? They capture our imagination and we reject them as stories, dreams, fiction - not realizing the deeper truths that speak to our souls of a greater destiny than what we can see or understand or prove or even believe or imagine.
How do I tell people that the fiction is true and the reality is false - without people rejecting it as just as insane as all the rest? How do I honestly talk to people about this world that is truer than the one they live in? It makes no sense to most of us - any of us - and yet we know the truth of it somehow in our souls.
Help me to be unafraid of rejection
Unafraid of how crazy and wild and insane it may all seem to others...
Give me words
and open hearts that they would hear
And trust that it is the sharing that matters -
It is the truth that matters -
not the "result."
Help me find my way Father - the way You purpose for me to be a bringer of truth to this world - and help me to have courage to seize that destiny and live it - not run from it to a life so limited - a life without imagination.
Amen.
Love Always -
Whitney.
Day off. Spent the morning napping and reading. It is a rare luxury!
Enjoying the silence and stillness of solitude.
Apple sleeps cuddled up next to me - wouldn't sleep this morning of course when I hoped to sleep in! But she sleeps now that I am totally awake =P
I love watching her sleep though. There's something about watching small creatures sleep that is so restive to the soul... like all the world could be in ruin but as long as a baby sleeps there is some shred of peace still left in it.
How I love the luxury of time on a day off - like I can stretch out in it and breathe in it. Already so full of things that should be done and need to be done and yet none as important as feeling the length and depth and freedom of the day. Time is such a gift that we so often unthinkingly waste.
Psalm 82
It must be the influence of reading Dune lately - but I feel like so often when reading the Bible I miss or forget the ancient-ness of its writing. The history and story and tradition and culture steeped in its words. There is something ancient and mystical and powerful that I feel we have lost touch with in our sterilized modern world. Some bits of primal understanding rooted within us that die in the face of scientific fact and rigor. I've absorbed that rigor as a part of the cultural air I breathe - as part of my framework and understanding of the world. So woven throughout my way of thinking and point of view that it is rare for me to be able to shake off a bit of it - to be shocked into a different awareness... Good books are re-teaching and re-framing perspective. Sometimes the beauty of a moment or the intangible quality that shifts ordinary to extraordinary. I feel like I was more in tune with it as a kid and have lost more of my awareness of it as I've gotten older... that link to the world we can't see - the spirit world outside of the scientific empirical world... The world of truth in fiction - where truth is sometimes clearer than fact...
It's just shifted a bit for me - reading these ancient words and feeling their mystery:
"I said 'You are gods, sons of the Most High, all of you;
nevertheless, like men you shall die,
and fall like any prince.'"
That tension between our potential and our failings.
We are all like gods - capable of so much - yet - like all men, we will die - and fall like even the princes amongst men must fall.
Unlike us - God stands council over the divine realms - in the midst of gods who are no stronger or weaker than we - He holds judgment and will judge the earth and all its nations...
Supreme over all...
Feel the mystery of that - we are just as strong as any of the gods of men... Capable of so much. Perhaps in different capacities of the gods we create that capture our imagination - Greek, Roman, Egyptian, science-fiction, spirit-world, fairy world - I love these stories because there are elements of truth and reality in them that cannot be explained by fact - these gods of our imagination give vision and direction to the works of our hands.
The imagination of man is powerful indeed - driving the sciences - driving our actions - propelling us forward - giving us direction and meaning and framing our lives.
And yet this power - this power that makes us as gods on the earth - will perish - wither - is susceptible to corruption and death despite our efforts to escape that destiny - through one mechanism or another.
We are perishable gods.
So full of so much potential and so much power - wasted and thrown away - perishing in the corruption of our very natures - the fact that we are jars of clay.
And despite that - death is not an enemy - but a friend. A release from the prison of the corruptible into the incorruptible - when the imagination that hints at this world just beyond the reach of our understanding will finally be open to us... The power of our imagination a sudden reality at our hands.
Heaven must be a place of no corruption - because Hell must be the reality of our imagination corrupted - running wild.
No wonder God looked at man with the tower of Babel and said: "This is only the beginning of what they will do. And nothing that they propose to do will now be impossible for them. Come, let us go down and there confuse their language, so that they may not understand one another's speech." (Gen 11:6-7)
You gave us such imagination Lord - planted within us an awareness and link to the Spirit world that is Your reality - the realm of endless possibilities - that will one day be home and reality for us...
Calling us homeward.
We so often stuff and ignore it. Realize only the smallest potential of what we could be:
"Give justice to the weak and to the fatherless;
maintain the right of the afflicted and destitute.
Rescue the weak and the needy;
deliver them from the hand of the wicked."
We have this capacity - had this capacity - but confused and corrupted and broken in the wake of our breakage between heaven and earth and all right relationships so that:
"We have neither knowledge nor understanding,
we walk about in darkness;
All the foundations of the earth are shaken."
Arise, O God - judge the earth -
set it back to right relationships where things as they should will flourish - uncorrupted - put back to their full potential beyond the wildest imagination of good men.
We will get there one day.
We will be there one day -
Set free form the corruptible.
From when all things turn sour and go into decay.
What a vision of a future...
The way to which we do not know
"I AM THE WAY"
as You told Thomas (John 14:6)
"Do you still not know me - after all this time?"
I am still learning Father - and want to keep learning... Seal in me the mysteries that I cannot begin to scratch the surface of - open my awareness to the world that is ours - and yet seems just beyond our reach - What we are meant for and have lost. Give me a vision Father - a vision and the courage to share that vision with others.
... How? How can I do it in a world that sees these mysteries and shies away from them? They capture our imagination and we reject them as stories, dreams, fiction - not realizing the deeper truths that speak to our souls of a greater destiny than what we can see or understand or prove or even believe or imagine.
How do I tell people that the fiction is true and the reality is false - without people rejecting it as just as insane as all the rest? How do I honestly talk to people about this world that is truer than the one they live in? It makes no sense to most of us - any of us - and yet we know the truth of it somehow in our souls.
Help me to be unafraid of rejection
Unafraid of how crazy and wild and insane it may all seem to others...
Give me words
and open hearts that they would hear
And trust that it is the sharing that matters -
It is the truth that matters -
not the "result."
Help me find my way Father - the way You purpose for me to be a bringer of truth to this world - and help me to have courage to seize that destiny and live it - not run from it to a life so limited - a life without imagination.
Amen.
Love Always -
Whitney.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
January 23: Psalm 81
January 23, 2014
Had an impromptu day off yesterday due to the weather. Was actually really nice - though it might make things just a little tight on the next paycheck.
Jason is taking Apple to the vet so he has the morning off. I am hoping maybe he'll take the opportunity to read with me - but not sure he will.
Outside the morning is blue and cold... Pretty sunrise but promising to be another cold winter day. Not all the ice has melted from yesterday.
It all makes me want to curl up and sleep some more - pretty sure my past ancestors were part bear =P
Psalm 81
I feel like Psalm 81 is almost an answer to Psalm 80 from yesterday:
Father - why did you rescue us out of Egypt if it was only to perish now in the "new life"?
And God answers:
"Hear O people, while I admonish you!
O Israel, if you would but listen to me!
There shall be no strange god among you;
You shall not bow down to a foreign god.
I am the Lord your God,
who brought you up out of the land of Egypt.
Open your mouth wide and I will fill it.
But my people did not listen to my voice;
Israel would not submit to me.
So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts,
to follow their own counsels."
Father - what idols are there in my life? Are there any gods I worship besides you? Or even false images of You that are created in my image that I worship? Are there areas where my stubborn heart is determined to follow my own counsel - not Yours?
Reveal those to me Lord - that I might cast them out. I want to be a follower of the One True God - I want to be a bearer of Truth.
Search my heart Lord and help me to cleanse it by Your Holy Spirit.
Amen.
Had an impromptu day off yesterday due to the weather. Was actually really nice - though it might make things just a little tight on the next paycheck.
Jason is taking Apple to the vet so he has the morning off. I am hoping maybe he'll take the opportunity to read with me - but not sure he will.
Outside the morning is blue and cold... Pretty sunrise but promising to be another cold winter day. Not all the ice has melted from yesterday.
It all makes me want to curl up and sleep some more - pretty sure my past ancestors were part bear =P
Psalm 81
I feel like Psalm 81 is almost an answer to Psalm 80 from yesterday:
Father - why did you rescue us out of Egypt if it was only to perish now in the "new life"?
And God answers:
"Hear O people, while I admonish you!
O Israel, if you would but listen to me!
There shall be no strange god among you;
You shall not bow down to a foreign god.
I am the Lord your God,
who brought you up out of the land of Egypt.
Open your mouth wide and I will fill it.
But my people did not listen to my voice;
Israel would not submit to me.
So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts,
to follow their own counsels."
Father - what idols are there in my life? Are there any gods I worship besides you? Or even false images of You that are created in my image that I worship? Are there areas where my stubborn heart is determined to follow my own counsel - not Yours?
Reveal those to me Lord - that I might cast them out. I want to be a follower of the One True God - I want to be a bearer of Truth.
Search my heart Lord and help me to cleanse it by Your Holy Spirit.
Amen.
Friday, January 24, 2014
January 22: Psalm 80
January 22, 2014
Snowy ice over everything this morning.
I was stressed about getting out on time - but looking at the condition of our parking lot - I think I'd rather not stress out about being on time and hope work understands.
We will probably have to take Apple Rose to the vet today... Her little stomach bug/issue doesn't seem to be getting any better and has Jason and me concerned. I am hoping it won't be anything too serious =/
Psalm 80
I tried something a little different today. I've been so grumpy with You lately and disconnected and feeling all out of sorts. I haven't kept a running conversation with You throughout the day as I normally do - and I don't think that's something I even consciously think about most of the time...
Anyways - grabbed a little bite to eat this morning and read the Psalm first - rather than waiting until after I had journaled "my piece."
I know the Psalm is prophetic about the nation of Israel and the Messiah (Christ) but I find it very personal this morning. Especially this plea:
"Restore us, O God of hosts;
Let your face shine, that we may be saved!"
In verses 8-11 Asaph talks about the rescue of the Israelites out of Egypt (for the church - a picture of Christ bringing us out of slavery to sin):
"You brought me as a vine out of slavery;
You drove out the sin that lay as a barrier and planted me in soil you had prepared
by Your Holy Spirit.
I took root in You and Your Word and filled the land.
Even the mountains of my problems paled in comparison to the strength I had in You -
Even the laurels and accolades I had gained of my effort looked small in what You had accomplished in and through me.
I stretched out - Filling my life with Your presence from beginning to end
Why then have you broken down my defenses -
leaving m exposed to attack from all sides -
so that every little thing - every little snare Satan can think to trip me up steals my joy
and robs me of the fruit of the Spirit I'd like to bear.
I feel barren and dried up-
I feel like I am tattered and weary and ready to give up -
that my time of fruitfulness has passed me by
that any good thing I may bear disappears into a void and is meaningless."
When I think back through my life I feel like that has been the story of my journey with You. Learning that You loved me so early on in life and rejoicing in that - Journalling intensely until my dating episode with Andy when I fell off and it felt like everything kind-of fell in until after we broke up and then a renewed and life and renewed freedom - until dating Jason when walking in faith became a struggle that I slug-fested my way through in high school...
College was a period of growth and spiritual change until post-graduation when suddenly all the questions of adulthood and life piled in and I fell silent for a long time - at least in journalling consistently - for a long, long time until September of (now) last year when I picked up journalling again in earnest for the first time since high school probably...
Now here I am - looking back over the past couple of months of spiritual growth and the fire that has been burning since the Women's Conference now feels like it's running out and running thin. I'm beginning to feel again like Israel - crying out to You wondering whether I have missed my time of growth and flourishing.
I suppose the ironic thing is that the greatest time of Israel's history was the period of David's kingship - probably when this Psalm was written - so here they are - wondering (like me) whether they have missed their period of flourishing, if it's already come to an end - when perhaps they were in the midst of it - or it could've just been beginning.
... of course, this Psalm could have been written towards the end of David's reign - maybe Asaph was looking at the family dynamics beginning to fall apart and maybe he could see where it was all headed...
Whether beginning - middle - or end - I suppose it doesn't change the prayer that Asaph offers up:
"Turn again, O God of all spiritual heavenly hosts and the entire universe - seen and unseen -
Look down from Your great throne - so high above us in power - perspective - authority
Look down to our level and see -
Have regard and understanding and pity for me -
this vine that by Your right hand you planted -
the daughter whom you made strong for your purposes - for your kingdom - by your Son.
I have wilted in the heat of battle.
I feel cut off from my root
Despite this, may my spiritual adversaries and the lies that have gained some power in my life perish at the rebuke of Your face appearing -
proving them all wrong.
But may Your hand of strength and healing and protection be upon Your Son who indwells in me -
be upon Your daughter of Your kingdom for Your purpose and meaning
Then I will not turn away from you - as I so easily am distracted and persuaded to do...
Give me renewed life Father -
and I will again be able to praise you.
Restore me - O Lord God of hosts!
I know You have the power and capability where I do not.
Let your face shine and light up my world again - that I might be saved
not just once - but over and over again."
Amen.
Snowy ice over everything this morning.
I was stressed about getting out on time - but looking at the condition of our parking lot - I think I'd rather not stress out about being on time and hope work understands.
We will probably have to take Apple Rose to the vet today... Her little stomach bug/issue doesn't seem to be getting any better and has Jason and me concerned. I am hoping it won't be anything too serious =/
Psalm 80
I tried something a little different today. I've been so grumpy with You lately and disconnected and feeling all out of sorts. I haven't kept a running conversation with You throughout the day as I normally do - and I don't think that's something I even consciously think about most of the time...
Anyways - grabbed a little bite to eat this morning and read the Psalm first - rather than waiting until after I had journaled "my piece."
I know the Psalm is prophetic about the nation of Israel and the Messiah (Christ) but I find it very personal this morning. Especially this plea:
"Restore us, O God of hosts;
Let your face shine, that we may be saved!"
In verses 8-11 Asaph talks about the rescue of the Israelites out of Egypt (for the church - a picture of Christ bringing us out of slavery to sin):
"You brought me as a vine out of slavery;
You drove out the sin that lay as a barrier and planted me in soil you had prepared
by Your Holy Spirit.
I took root in You and Your Word and filled the land.
Even the mountains of my problems paled in comparison to the strength I had in You -
Even the laurels and accolades I had gained of my effort looked small in what You had accomplished in and through me.
I stretched out - Filling my life with Your presence from beginning to end
Why then have you broken down my defenses -
leaving m exposed to attack from all sides -
so that every little thing - every little snare Satan can think to trip me up steals my joy
and robs me of the fruit of the Spirit I'd like to bear.
I feel barren and dried up-
I feel like I am tattered and weary and ready to give up -
that my time of fruitfulness has passed me by
that any good thing I may bear disappears into a void and is meaningless."
When I think back through my life I feel like that has been the story of my journey with You. Learning that You loved me so early on in life and rejoicing in that - Journalling intensely until my dating episode with Andy when I fell off and it felt like everything kind-of fell in until after we broke up and then a renewed and life and renewed freedom - until dating Jason when walking in faith became a struggle that I slug-fested my way through in high school...
College was a period of growth and spiritual change until post-graduation when suddenly all the questions of adulthood and life piled in and I fell silent for a long time - at least in journalling consistently - for a long, long time until September of (now) last year when I picked up journalling again in earnest for the first time since high school probably...
Now here I am - looking back over the past couple of months of spiritual growth and the fire that has been burning since the Women's Conference now feels like it's running out and running thin. I'm beginning to feel again like Israel - crying out to You wondering whether I have missed my time of growth and flourishing.
I suppose the ironic thing is that the greatest time of Israel's history was the period of David's kingship - probably when this Psalm was written - so here they are - wondering (like me) whether they have missed their period of flourishing, if it's already come to an end - when perhaps they were in the midst of it - or it could've just been beginning.
... of course, this Psalm could have been written towards the end of David's reign - maybe Asaph was looking at the family dynamics beginning to fall apart and maybe he could see where it was all headed...
Whether beginning - middle - or end - I suppose it doesn't change the prayer that Asaph offers up:
"Turn again, O God of all spiritual heavenly hosts and the entire universe - seen and unseen -
Look down from Your great throne - so high above us in power - perspective - authority
Look down to our level and see -
Have regard and understanding and pity for me -
this vine that by Your right hand you planted -
the daughter whom you made strong for your purposes - for your kingdom - by your Son.
I have wilted in the heat of battle.
I feel cut off from my root
Despite this, may my spiritual adversaries and the lies that have gained some power in my life perish at the rebuke of Your face appearing -
proving them all wrong.
But may Your hand of strength and healing and protection be upon Your Son who indwells in me -
be upon Your daughter of Your kingdom for Your purpose and meaning
Then I will not turn away from you - as I so easily am distracted and persuaded to do...
Give me renewed life Father -
and I will again be able to praise you.
Restore me - O Lord God of hosts!
I know You have the power and capability where I do not.
Let your face shine and light up my world again - that I might be saved
not just once - but over and over again."
Amen.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
January 21: Psalm 79
January 21, 2014
Such a dramatic sunrise this morning. Heavy dark clouds over all the sky - like a thick purple blanket - and peeping around the edges a rosy pink and the heart of the sun - low on the horizon.
They are predicting snow today - supposed to be lots of it - and though I know a lot of people are dreading it, I am hoping for a good blanketing.
There is something about a good snow that is so calming and quieting and silencing - and I feel like I need that right now.
Have been struggling so much to get up in the mornings earlier. Once I get up - I'm always glad that I do... but on the onset I feel so tired and exhausted that the thought of getting up makes me want to cry.
Feel like I'm going through a bit of one of my slumps. Not as bad as they sometimes are - just a period of discouragement. I go back in the evenings to post my journal and sometimes feel so silly - as though I can't remember why I wrote any of this in the first place - what difference did it really make - and wondering why I'm bothering to post it up at all - and probably only posting it because I don't think anyone is reading it - so what difference does it make whether I do or don't =P
I know that I have to keep pushing through times like this - When it is so easy to see everything I am failing at and all the areas where I am falling short - to berate and belittle myself - and lose all heart. I end up continuing in life mechanically... Going into auto pilot mode - where things get done - simply because they must - or because they're there - but my heart feels like a 2 ton block of dead wood in my chest.
Snow has started falling... so pretty. Already coating things in the 5 minutes it's been falling.
Psalm 79
I think I am too angry to care about the Israelites' plight in the Psalm and not in tune with the prayer that the avenging God pour out His wrath upon the other nations.
I know that it is different to be in a war-torn country when you are watching your family members be drug off to be salves - but I don't feel like putting myself in those shoes right now.
And I know You are a just God - but I don't feel like calling Your wrath down because I don't feel like most people deserve it any more than I do...
We are all just human - good and bad - most of us a decent mixture of the two - some of us who need to be shut off from all the rest. We are all just muddling around, doing our best to live productive lives. Yes petty - yes even cruel - yes meaningless and tiny and small and missing so much of all the potential we could be - but human nonetheless... and for a lot of us - doing the best we know how to live our lives right, even if we get it wrong a long of the time.
How do you see us Lord?
As worms? In love? In pity? In hate? In a rushing desire to save us? Do you admire us? Despise us? Get frustrated with us?
I love you as people - the same as you love others - the same as you love Jason. Yes. To All of the above - but greatest of all of these - and perhaps why I get so furious with you all - is love. An overwhelming, powerful, sweeping love - and heartache - and heartbreak and joy. I am thankful for you Whitney. Glad for every bone in your body - every hair on your head. I wonder over you - marveling and cuddling and yes - sometimes shaking with frustration - over every single part of you. You all are fearfully and wonderfully made... that the God of the Universe would fall so madly in love with the human race is dangerous indeed.
I would burn up whole universes - the heavens were torn in my love for you - I went through hell and back - literally - so that I might have you rest with me - safe in my arms - so that I could sing over you while you sleep - touch you with marveling fingertips - shaking with the terrifying joyful knowledge that you are mine - mine to love - no matter what.
Love is a terrifying force. An obliterating power - it has the capacity to wipe out and destroy just about anything - including the two parties involved.
I AM LOVE - therefore I cannot be destroyed by it - but I can be wracked to torturous levels by love - so torturous, that I might WISH it would destroy me...
Does that answer your question?
Yes... though I am still so sleepy I just want to crawl in Your lap and sleep for a good couple of hours as Apple is doing now...
I am learning Father... help me to give myself patience... time... and grace.
Amen.
Such a dramatic sunrise this morning. Heavy dark clouds over all the sky - like a thick purple blanket - and peeping around the edges a rosy pink and the heart of the sun - low on the horizon.
They are predicting snow today - supposed to be lots of it - and though I know a lot of people are dreading it, I am hoping for a good blanketing.
There is something about a good snow that is so calming and quieting and silencing - and I feel like I need that right now.
Have been struggling so much to get up in the mornings earlier. Once I get up - I'm always glad that I do... but on the onset I feel so tired and exhausted that the thought of getting up makes me want to cry.
Feel like I'm going through a bit of one of my slumps. Not as bad as they sometimes are - just a period of discouragement. I go back in the evenings to post my journal and sometimes feel so silly - as though I can't remember why I wrote any of this in the first place - what difference did it really make - and wondering why I'm bothering to post it up at all - and probably only posting it because I don't think anyone is reading it - so what difference does it make whether I do or don't =P
I know that I have to keep pushing through times like this - When it is so easy to see everything I am failing at and all the areas where I am falling short - to berate and belittle myself - and lose all heart. I end up continuing in life mechanically... Going into auto pilot mode - where things get done - simply because they must - or because they're there - but my heart feels like a 2 ton block of dead wood in my chest.
Snow has started falling... so pretty. Already coating things in the 5 minutes it's been falling.
Psalm 79
I think I am too angry to care about the Israelites' plight in the Psalm and not in tune with the prayer that the avenging God pour out His wrath upon the other nations.
I know that it is different to be in a war-torn country when you are watching your family members be drug off to be salves - but I don't feel like putting myself in those shoes right now.
And I know You are a just God - but I don't feel like calling Your wrath down because I don't feel like most people deserve it any more than I do...
We are all just human - good and bad - most of us a decent mixture of the two - some of us who need to be shut off from all the rest. We are all just muddling around, doing our best to live productive lives. Yes petty - yes even cruel - yes meaningless and tiny and small and missing so much of all the potential we could be - but human nonetheless... and for a lot of us - doing the best we know how to live our lives right, even if we get it wrong a long of the time.
How do you see us Lord?
As worms? In love? In pity? In hate? In a rushing desire to save us? Do you admire us? Despise us? Get frustrated with us?
I love you as people - the same as you love others - the same as you love Jason. Yes. To All of the above - but greatest of all of these - and perhaps why I get so furious with you all - is love. An overwhelming, powerful, sweeping love - and heartache - and heartbreak and joy. I am thankful for you Whitney. Glad for every bone in your body - every hair on your head. I wonder over you - marveling and cuddling and yes - sometimes shaking with frustration - over every single part of you. You all are fearfully and wonderfully made... that the God of the Universe would fall so madly in love with the human race is dangerous indeed.
I would burn up whole universes - the heavens were torn in my love for you - I went through hell and back - literally - so that I might have you rest with me - safe in my arms - so that I could sing over you while you sleep - touch you with marveling fingertips - shaking with the terrifying joyful knowledge that you are mine - mine to love - no matter what.
Love is a terrifying force. An obliterating power - it has the capacity to wipe out and destroy just about anything - including the two parties involved.
I AM LOVE - therefore I cannot be destroyed by it - but I can be wracked to torturous levels by love - so torturous, that I might WISH it would destroy me...
Does that answer your question?
Yes... though I am still so sleepy I just want to crawl in Your lap and sleep for a good couple of hours as Apple is doing now...
I am learning Father... help me to give myself patience... time... and grace.
Amen.
Monday, January 20, 2014
January 20 - Psalm 78
January 20, 2014
One nice thing about getting up earlier is catching the sunrises. They are so pretty in winter here.
The hardest thing will be finding my rhythm and trying to readjust... It'll happen with time.
Psalm 78
Lord - sometimes I don't get the change between the Old Testament God and the New Testament God. I know You are the same yesterday - today - and tomorrow - But it seems like You were learning to love us - Just as we have to learn how to love you.
Perhaps it was all to prove that without a savior - we really would be killed from Your wrath because of our inability to learn how to properly love you.
Why not start with a Savior first?
Maybe because You knew we'd want to try it on our own first.
The punishments in the Old Testament have always kind-of bugged me too because of their harshness - and not that the Israelites wouldn't have driven me to madness - but sending a plague to wipe out a whole bunch of them for complaining while wandering in a desert seems severe. Maybe it's my modern cultural indoctrination but I feel like the fact that it was hot and there were a lot of people and they were running from slavery, but not really sure where they were going - that would've made tensions run high and people probably were in a bad mood - and I can't say I entirely blame them - or that I would have been any different.
Maybe that also is the point... You know we are weak - but that doesn't mean You can turn a blind eye to justice. Our weakness is no excuse - There are no excuses that actually solve a wrong.
Justice is justice - setting things right isn't just explaining how/why they went wrong... it's actually atoning for them - paying for the consequences - and restoring them to where they are meant to be.
Despite the fact that we are weak and therefore we sin - the fact remains that we fall short - we sin. And the fact remains that You are holy and will not allow sin to go unnoticed - unanswered - unpunished. That is our human tendency - to ignore - downplay - or learn to live with our imperfections. But You refuse to let that continue - because You are holy and because You set things right.
And because of that - we need a Savior - not just to restore what was lost - but to help us live as we ought (still imperfectly) with Your Spirit within us.
You are the same God - from Old Testament to New Testament - and Your wrath against sin - despite our best excuses - is the same. The reason I haven't been smote down with a plague - despite demanding what I want on a regular basis - is because I am covered by the blood of Christ. He paid for my injustices - paid for my sin - by accepting them from me and exchanging them with the Spirit of God which is gradually filling that hole with His goodness.
That wrath is being preserved and it will come again - but You will long suffer and wait until every person who will come - comes.
The punishments will be just as severe - even more severe and more eternal - when that day comes - and maybe why You had me read this is because so often I want to ignore that part of You - so often I want to ignore the angry righteous God in favor of a more palatable forgiving, long suffering, patient God.
It's important Whitney - that you tell people of my love and forgiveness and the life I offer - because of my angry judgment. It isn't like I will let them go on with that hole - inflicting damage - whether intentional or not - whether with good explanation or not - sin is sin and must be wiped out. It's important Whitney not to lose perspective of both.
Help me Father. It is hard in my human weakness - By Your Spirit I will need your help to live right and share with others. Help me learn right perspective.
Amen.
One nice thing about getting up earlier is catching the sunrises. They are so pretty in winter here.
The hardest thing will be finding my rhythm and trying to readjust... It'll happen with time.
Psalm 78
Lord - sometimes I don't get the change between the Old Testament God and the New Testament God. I know You are the same yesterday - today - and tomorrow - But it seems like You were learning to love us - Just as we have to learn how to love you.
Perhaps it was all to prove that without a savior - we really would be killed from Your wrath because of our inability to learn how to properly love you.
Why not start with a Savior first?
Maybe because You knew we'd want to try it on our own first.
The punishments in the Old Testament have always kind-of bugged me too because of their harshness - and not that the Israelites wouldn't have driven me to madness - but sending a plague to wipe out a whole bunch of them for complaining while wandering in a desert seems severe. Maybe it's my modern cultural indoctrination but I feel like the fact that it was hot and there were a lot of people and they were running from slavery, but not really sure where they were going - that would've made tensions run high and people probably were in a bad mood - and I can't say I entirely blame them - or that I would have been any different.
Maybe that also is the point... You know we are weak - but that doesn't mean You can turn a blind eye to justice. Our weakness is no excuse - There are no excuses that actually solve a wrong.
Justice is justice - setting things right isn't just explaining how/why they went wrong... it's actually atoning for them - paying for the consequences - and restoring them to where they are meant to be.
Despite the fact that we are weak and therefore we sin - the fact remains that we fall short - we sin. And the fact remains that You are holy and will not allow sin to go unnoticed - unanswered - unpunished. That is our human tendency - to ignore - downplay - or learn to live with our imperfections. But You refuse to let that continue - because You are holy and because You set things right.
And because of that - we need a Savior - not just to restore what was lost - but to help us live as we ought (still imperfectly) with Your Spirit within us.
You are the same God - from Old Testament to New Testament - and Your wrath against sin - despite our best excuses - is the same. The reason I haven't been smote down with a plague - despite demanding what I want on a regular basis - is because I am covered by the blood of Christ. He paid for my injustices - paid for my sin - by accepting them from me and exchanging them with the Spirit of God which is gradually filling that hole with His goodness.
That wrath is being preserved and it will come again - but You will long suffer and wait until every person who will come - comes.
The punishments will be just as severe - even more severe and more eternal - when that day comes - and maybe why You had me read this is because so often I want to ignore that part of You - so often I want to ignore the angry righteous God in favor of a more palatable forgiving, long suffering, patient God.
It's important Whitney - that you tell people of my love and forgiveness and the life I offer - because of my angry judgment. It isn't like I will let them go on with that hole - inflicting damage - whether intentional or not - whether with good explanation or not - sin is sin and must be wiped out. It's important Whitney not to lose perspective of both.
Help me Father. It is hard in my human weakness - By Your Spirit I will need your help to live right and share with others. Help me learn right perspective.
Amen.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
January 17: Psalm 77
January 17, 2014
Such a beautiful sunrise this morning. Up early - but not as early as I should be - to get to work early today. Feels like a long week especially since I have to work tomorrow, but beginning to feel a peace and quiet settle over my soul.
I noticed yesterday typing up my blog posts from my journal how in the evenings my brain feels more organized... Must be because I'm not a morning person - but often reading back through my entries in the evening I feel like there was a ghost of an idea I was just beginning to latch onto that morning that maybe if I sat and studied that evening I might begin to piece together in greater clarity. Must have been why David meditated day AND night on Your Word.
I also noticed how rushed my entries have been lately... Trying to slow down and take a deep breath. I feel like we've been so busy lately I've been rushing from one thing to the next with my mind already racing ahead. Already yesterday I was trying to figure out the whole weekend and stressing out about it. One thing I realized when we got Apple a few days ago was that there is no rushing love. Taking those little moments to cuddle or settle her in or play with her - are worth it. She is happier - and so are we. I want to slow down and breathe... Not rush through life just focused on the next thing. Life and time are too precious to waste on rushing.
Psalm 77
Verse 10 has two translations:
1) "Then I said 'I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High.'"
or
2) "This is my grief: that the right hand of the Most High has changed."
It's interesting to me because that is a pretty pivotal verse in the psalm at an important place. All the verses before it are Asaph crying out to the Lord in trouble - in what St. John of the Cross called "the dark night of the soul" - where it seems like God has withdrawn and is remaining silent - despite us seeking him out. All the verses after verse 10 is recounting God's past power and faithfulness and reflecting on His depth.
In the first translation of the verse 10 - which seems the version my Bible (ESV) prefers - the psalm is about focusing on God's power and might - His past proven faithfulness - in the time of the dark night when it seems we are waiting forever for You to speak and make Your presence known again.
In the second translation it is mourning God's past power and faithfulness - almost as though that were lost - and wondering whether He will answer from His right hand in the same way He did before. Almost as though the Psalmist is reminding God - not just himself - of His past faithfulness and love.
I have been in both places - even at the same time - so perhaps that is what the psalmist meant.
I feel like I am not yet at the dark night of the soul - But perhaps in a twilight setting. I have found it harder to share at Bible study and felt like I've had less insight in Your Word - both in personal and group study. It feels a little bit like things are worn thin - like they are barely holding together their spiritual strength. Threadbare.
I know that in the midst of that it's important for me to keep coming before You and laying my life before You - because though it feels distant I know You are there. You want me to trust you and You are asking me to slow down and see You in all the world - in all my life - not just this little parcel of my life.
Sometimes it is hard to love you Father.
[Sometimes you people are hard to love] I hear you say - with a smile =)
Like Apple - I will crawl up into Your lap I think and snuggle in. I am tired today Father of all the little burdens I pick up that so easily weigh me down. Help me to lay them down - settle into You - and find strength and wisdom for my day.
*I love you Lord
And I lift my voice
To worship You
O my soul
Rejoice
Take joy my King
In what You hear
May it be a sweet, sweet sound
In Your ears.
Amen.
*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLK8eG2JcB8
Such a beautiful sunrise this morning. Up early - but not as early as I should be - to get to work early today. Feels like a long week especially since I have to work tomorrow, but beginning to feel a peace and quiet settle over my soul.
I noticed yesterday typing up my blog posts from my journal how in the evenings my brain feels more organized... Must be because I'm not a morning person - but often reading back through my entries in the evening I feel like there was a ghost of an idea I was just beginning to latch onto that morning that maybe if I sat and studied that evening I might begin to piece together in greater clarity. Must have been why David meditated day AND night on Your Word.
I also noticed how rushed my entries have been lately... Trying to slow down and take a deep breath. I feel like we've been so busy lately I've been rushing from one thing to the next with my mind already racing ahead. Already yesterday I was trying to figure out the whole weekend and stressing out about it. One thing I realized when we got Apple a few days ago was that there is no rushing love. Taking those little moments to cuddle or settle her in or play with her - are worth it. She is happier - and so are we. I want to slow down and breathe... Not rush through life just focused on the next thing. Life and time are too precious to waste on rushing.
Psalm 77
Verse 10 has two translations:
1) "Then I said 'I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High.'"
or
2) "This is my grief: that the right hand of the Most High has changed."
It's interesting to me because that is a pretty pivotal verse in the psalm at an important place. All the verses before it are Asaph crying out to the Lord in trouble - in what St. John of the Cross called "the dark night of the soul" - where it seems like God has withdrawn and is remaining silent - despite us seeking him out. All the verses after verse 10 is recounting God's past power and faithfulness and reflecting on His depth.
In the first translation of the verse 10 - which seems the version my Bible (ESV) prefers - the psalm is about focusing on God's power and might - His past proven faithfulness - in the time of the dark night when it seems we are waiting forever for You to speak and make Your presence known again.
In the second translation it is mourning God's past power and faithfulness - almost as though that were lost - and wondering whether He will answer from His right hand in the same way He did before. Almost as though the Psalmist is reminding God - not just himself - of His past faithfulness and love.
I have been in both places - even at the same time - so perhaps that is what the psalmist meant.
I feel like I am not yet at the dark night of the soul - But perhaps in a twilight setting. I have found it harder to share at Bible study and felt like I've had less insight in Your Word - both in personal and group study. It feels a little bit like things are worn thin - like they are barely holding together their spiritual strength. Threadbare.
I know that in the midst of that it's important for me to keep coming before You and laying my life before You - because though it feels distant I know You are there. You want me to trust you and You are asking me to slow down and see You in all the world - in all my life - not just this little parcel of my life.
Sometimes it is hard to love you Father.
[Sometimes you people are hard to love] I hear you say - with a smile =)
Like Apple - I will crawl up into Your lap I think and snuggle in. I am tired today Father of all the little burdens I pick up that so easily weigh me down. Help me to lay them down - settle into You - and find strength and wisdom for my day.
*I love you Lord
And I lift my voice
To worship You
O my soul
Rejoice
Take joy my King
In what You hear
May it be a sweet, sweet sound
In Your ears.
Amen.
*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLK8eG2JcB8
Thursday, January 16, 2014
January 16: Psalm 76
January 16, 2014
Still adjusting to new role as pup-mom and trying to meld it well with my roles as wife and follower of Christ and friend =P This morning Apple let me sleep in a little - and last night only woke me once - which was wonderful. It meant everything got pushed to later this morning so my time is crunched - but it felt so wonderful to sleep!
Really needed it.
It's funny how having just a pup changes the schedule. I feel more responsible for helping Jason with things like getting lunch together and cleaning and keeping house because we're in this together and I know he's making sacrifices in order to take care of Apple too. I want him to have time to play with her - and know that at lunch he won't have much time - so needs to have lunch ready to go... It just changes our relationship to one of even more servanthood.
Not for the last time in the past couple days have I been thankful that it's just a pup dog and not kids though =P But it is nice to not have my life so wrapped around me all the time by necessity... We have to serve each other or else things just can't get done and we can't provide a good home for each other - or for her. We're still learning - that's for sure - but it's a good learning.
Psalm 76
I love that you're coming to rescue the humble of the earth and to make war cease. So often I forget that Your coming is a justice and a mercy - not only a judgment and condemnation. Though you gird yourself with wrath - it is with anger at the destruction and violence in the earth...
"From the heavens you uttered judgment;
the earth feared and was still,
When God arose to establish judgement,
to save all the humble of the earth."
Father - time and time again I pledge allegiance to you - and time and time again I get distracted and fail. Help me to continuously put you first in my life as it expands to include more people and more creatures to love.
I thank you that you are righteous and good and you do love the earth, Father, and wish to see it saved from destruction - and all the people in it... Help me to somehow be able to share that with people who only hear condemnation and wrath.. I know Father that you will judge and condemn and your wrath will be poured out - But help me today to share with others how Your love and forgiveness pours out now in hopes that many might be spared the cleansing that will come. It's a hard paradox for us to understand in our human understanding -- But I pray You would direct my understanding and path.
Amen.
Still adjusting to new role as pup-mom and trying to meld it well with my roles as wife and follower of Christ and friend =P This morning Apple let me sleep in a little - and last night only woke me once - which was wonderful. It meant everything got pushed to later this morning so my time is crunched - but it felt so wonderful to sleep!
Really needed it.
It's funny how having just a pup changes the schedule. I feel more responsible for helping Jason with things like getting lunch together and cleaning and keeping house because we're in this together and I know he's making sacrifices in order to take care of Apple too. I want him to have time to play with her - and know that at lunch he won't have much time - so needs to have lunch ready to go... It just changes our relationship to one of even more servanthood.
Not for the last time in the past couple days have I been thankful that it's just a pup dog and not kids though =P But it is nice to not have my life so wrapped around me all the time by necessity... We have to serve each other or else things just can't get done and we can't provide a good home for each other - or for her. We're still learning - that's for sure - but it's a good learning.
Psalm 76
I love that you're coming to rescue the humble of the earth and to make war cease. So often I forget that Your coming is a justice and a mercy - not only a judgment and condemnation. Though you gird yourself with wrath - it is with anger at the destruction and violence in the earth...
"From the heavens you uttered judgment;
the earth feared and was still,
When God arose to establish judgement,
to save all the humble of the earth."
Father - time and time again I pledge allegiance to you - and time and time again I get distracted and fail. Help me to continuously put you first in my life as it expands to include more people and more creatures to love.
I thank you that you are righteous and good and you do love the earth, Father, and wish to see it saved from destruction - and all the people in it... Help me to somehow be able to share that with people who only hear condemnation and wrath.. I know Father that you will judge and condemn and your wrath will be poured out - But help me today to share with others how Your love and forgiveness pours out now in hopes that many might be spared the cleansing that will come. It's a hard paradox for us to understand in our human understanding -- But I pray You would direct my understanding and path.
Amen.
January 15: Psalm 75
January 15, 2014
Morning Father,
had a very Martha day yesterday. Got a whole lot done - Including Apple's first appointment - Everything checked out ok - which we knew it would - but was nice to have reassurance.
She really has been a great dog... But a couple more nights of interrupted sleep and Jason and I will be running really ragged.
Such a beautiful morning - sunlight filters in and turns everything golden...
I want to stay in today and read fairytales... but today is the first day of a couple hard days for Apple in being alone and in her box. I don't think she'll take it as well as she's taken the crate.
It's funny - it feels like Jason and I are learning as much as she is: Not sure what will work - what won't - trying to find ways to make sure we aren't raising her to be a spoiled brat - but probably giving into her more than we should... I am sure it will be the same with kids - only ten times worse - and suddenly I'm very glad we aren't ready for kids yet!
It's kind-of terrifying to be in a place of such influence and yet feel completely not up to the task... Able to have such an impact - yet unable to control so much that affects the ultimate outcome. How do leaders do it? Do they realize the import of their decisions all the time - or does it become something you have to do while closing off some of you awareness or maybe hardening your heart to some of the harder consequences of your choices? I'm not sure I'd want to be that kind-of parent or that kind-of leader - But I'm not sure if it's something that happens by the fact that sometimes bad things or consequences must happen in order for us to learn... or whether by following your lead we could find balance between it all... Maybe a bit of both of those - since none of us follows perfectly.
Help me to have grace understanding that truth with Apple and my future kids Father... just as you have grace with me in the very same way. Amen.
Psalm 75
We give thanks to you, O God;
we give thanks for your name is near.
We recount your wondrous deeds.
"At the set time that I appoint
I will judge with equity.
When the earth totters, and all its inhabitants ,
it is I who keep steady its pillars.
[Selah]
I say to the boastful, 'Do not boast,'
and to the wicked, 'Do not lift up your horn;'
do not lift up your horn on high,
or speak with haughty neck.'"
For not from the east or from the west
and not from the wilderness comes lifting up,
But it is God who executes judgment,
putting down one and lifting up another.
For in the hand of God there is a cup
with foaming wine, well mixed,
and He pours out from it,
and all the wicked of the earth shall drain it down to the dregs.
But I will declare it forever,
I will sing praises to the God of Jacob.
All the horns of the wicked I will cut off,
but the horns of the righteous shall be lifted up.
"At the set time that I appoint, I will judge with equity."
Jason and I have been watching an American anime called Avatar. It's the second of the series and follows the adventures of a young woman empowered with control over the four elements: air, water, fire, earth. This whole first "season" of the show was about this internal rebellion in the city by this kind-of "V for Vendetta" figure who wants everyone - people with power over elements (called benders) and people without power (non-benders) treated the same and equably... It turns out that he was a fraud and power-hungry, but it bugged me because the show never went back and addressed the obvious inequality for the non-benders vs. the benders. Despite the villain being in the wrong for a lot of things - he had a point - and it was as though because he was flawed - His whole argument fell apart.
I suppose that is a lesson in and of itself to kids. In this world - trying to set things right does not always mean setting things equal...
"At the set time that I appoint."
...The Lord is waiting to judge...
Because when he does - it will shake the pillars of the earth.
Already it is he who keeps what little balance there is in the world - when he judges so many may fall.
"For not from the east or from the west
and not from the wilderness comes lifting up,
But it is God who executes judgement,
putting down one and lifting up another."
The cup that God has prepared will be potent indeed...
In Matthew Henry's commentary he brings references to the cups in Revelation - and though the cups mixed for God's followers (like Christ's cup of affliction on the cross) carry the affliction - they are mixed with God's judgement of grace and mercy to cover our sins... They are mixed with the wine/blood of Christ - which carries us through the affliction at the mercy of God's grace...
But the same cup of affliction for those who reject Christ - the antidote of his blood is not mixed in - and they drink in full the affliction mixed with the judgment of God -which drowns us at the depth of God's wrath for what is wrong in this world.
That is not an easy or comfortable thing for me to have to read or believe... But at the same time - I feel there is no one who should keep from being angry and indignant at the injustices in this world - and if they are indifferent or even revel in/take advantage of the injustices - most of us I believe feel they deserve their due justice... And yet all of us are part of the injustices of this world. Even in trying to live a life entirely conscientiously - Each one of us makes choices to which we refuse to acknowledge all the consequences - or at least, harden our hearts to them.
Is there any one of us who can live completely right, without making a mistake? or acting out of selfishness or anger or hurt?
Beyond that, just living well - or as well as we can - does not address the gaping hole of all humanity that continues to weep in its infection and great need for healing...
"But it is God who executes judgement,
putting down one and lifting up another."
It is much for me to understand and accept Father - what You mean by all of this and what You would have me do.
What would you have me do?
"We give thanks to you, O God;
we give thanks for your name is near.
We recount your wondrous deeds."
and
"All the horns of the wicked will cut off,
but the horns of the righteous shall be lifted up."
You do not have to understand everything, I hear you say to me - all you have to do is give me thanks for the cleansing and redemption and healing that has been done because of my sacrifice - and continue to work alongside of me -removing power from corrupt hands and supporting those who have good hearts and are seeking after the Lord.
Father - I want my impact and influence to be covered by you. Even help me to better understand what the needs of humanity are - and to be unafraid - yet gentle and loving and understanding when I share Your love that conquers darkness - even the abyss of black hole that consumes us all.
Lift my eyes and my spirit up Lord -
that I might better and clearer show You in Your perfect love and radiance - so that Your love and unwillingness to leave us in our need and despair (unanswered) would be evident in the midst of the calamitous cup you have mixed for each of us Lord - containing your judgment - equally dispensed to all: Grace for those covered by Christ's blood... Death for those who drink it without His blood to cover them.
Help me Father - to hear and understand... Amen.
Morning Father,
had a very Martha day yesterday. Got a whole lot done - Including Apple's first appointment - Everything checked out ok - which we knew it would - but was nice to have reassurance.
She really has been a great dog... But a couple more nights of interrupted sleep and Jason and I will be running really ragged.
Such a beautiful morning - sunlight filters in and turns everything golden...
I want to stay in today and read fairytales... but today is the first day of a couple hard days for Apple in being alone and in her box. I don't think she'll take it as well as she's taken the crate.
It's funny - it feels like Jason and I are learning as much as she is: Not sure what will work - what won't - trying to find ways to make sure we aren't raising her to be a spoiled brat - but probably giving into her more than we should... I am sure it will be the same with kids - only ten times worse - and suddenly I'm very glad we aren't ready for kids yet!
It's kind-of terrifying to be in a place of such influence and yet feel completely not up to the task... Able to have such an impact - yet unable to control so much that affects the ultimate outcome. How do leaders do it? Do they realize the import of their decisions all the time - or does it become something you have to do while closing off some of you awareness or maybe hardening your heart to some of the harder consequences of your choices? I'm not sure I'd want to be that kind-of parent or that kind-of leader - But I'm not sure if it's something that happens by the fact that sometimes bad things or consequences must happen in order for us to learn... or whether by following your lead we could find balance between it all... Maybe a bit of both of those - since none of us follows perfectly.
Help me to have grace understanding that truth with Apple and my future kids Father... just as you have grace with me in the very same way. Amen.
Psalm 75
We give thanks to you, O God;
we give thanks for your name is near.
We recount your wondrous deeds.
"At the set time that I appoint
I will judge with equity.
When the earth totters, and all its inhabitants ,
it is I who keep steady its pillars.
[Selah]
I say to the boastful, 'Do not boast,'
and to the wicked, 'Do not lift up your horn;'
do not lift up your horn on high,
or speak with haughty neck.'"
For not from the east or from the west
and not from the wilderness comes lifting up,
But it is God who executes judgment,
putting down one and lifting up another.
For in the hand of God there is a cup
with foaming wine, well mixed,
and He pours out from it,
and all the wicked of the earth shall drain it down to the dregs.
But I will declare it forever,
I will sing praises to the God of Jacob.
All the horns of the wicked I will cut off,
but the horns of the righteous shall be lifted up.
"At the set time that I appoint, I will judge with equity."
Jason and I have been watching an American anime called Avatar. It's the second of the series and follows the adventures of a young woman empowered with control over the four elements: air, water, fire, earth. This whole first "season" of the show was about this internal rebellion in the city by this kind-of "V for Vendetta" figure who wants everyone - people with power over elements (called benders) and people without power (non-benders) treated the same and equably... It turns out that he was a fraud and power-hungry, but it bugged me because the show never went back and addressed the obvious inequality for the non-benders vs. the benders. Despite the villain being in the wrong for a lot of things - he had a point - and it was as though because he was flawed - His whole argument fell apart.
I suppose that is a lesson in and of itself to kids. In this world - trying to set things right does not always mean setting things equal...
"At the set time that I appoint."
...The Lord is waiting to judge...
Because when he does - it will shake the pillars of the earth.
Already it is he who keeps what little balance there is in the world - when he judges so many may fall.
"For not from the east or from the west
and not from the wilderness comes lifting up,
But it is God who executes judgement,
putting down one and lifting up another."
The cup that God has prepared will be potent indeed...
In Matthew Henry's commentary he brings references to the cups in Revelation - and though the cups mixed for God's followers (like Christ's cup of affliction on the cross) carry the affliction - they are mixed with God's judgement of grace and mercy to cover our sins... They are mixed with the wine/blood of Christ - which carries us through the affliction at the mercy of God's grace...
But the same cup of affliction for those who reject Christ - the antidote of his blood is not mixed in - and they drink in full the affliction mixed with the judgment of God -which drowns us at the depth of God's wrath for what is wrong in this world.
That is not an easy or comfortable thing for me to have to read or believe... But at the same time - I feel there is no one who should keep from being angry and indignant at the injustices in this world - and if they are indifferent or even revel in/take advantage of the injustices - most of us I believe feel they deserve their due justice... And yet all of us are part of the injustices of this world. Even in trying to live a life entirely conscientiously - Each one of us makes choices to which we refuse to acknowledge all the consequences - or at least, harden our hearts to them.
Is there any one of us who can live completely right, without making a mistake? or acting out of selfishness or anger or hurt?
Beyond that, just living well - or as well as we can - does not address the gaping hole of all humanity that continues to weep in its infection and great need for healing...
"But it is God who executes judgement,
putting down one and lifting up another."
It is much for me to understand and accept Father - what You mean by all of this and what You would have me do.
What would you have me do?
"We give thanks to you, O God;
we give thanks for your name is near.
We recount your wondrous deeds."
and
"All the horns of the wicked will cut off,
but the horns of the righteous shall be lifted up."
You do not have to understand everything, I hear you say to me - all you have to do is give me thanks for the cleansing and redemption and healing that has been done because of my sacrifice - and continue to work alongside of me -removing power from corrupt hands and supporting those who have good hearts and are seeking after the Lord.
Father - I want my impact and influence to be covered by you. Even help me to better understand what the needs of humanity are - and to be unafraid - yet gentle and loving and understanding when I share Your love that conquers darkness - even the abyss of black hole that consumes us all.
Lift my eyes and my spirit up Lord -
that I might better and clearer show You in Your perfect love and radiance - so that Your love and unwillingness to leave us in our need and despair (unanswered) would be evident in the midst of the calamitous cup you have mixed for each of us Lord - containing your judgment - equally dispensed to all: Grace for those covered by Christ's blood... Death for those who drink it without His blood to cover them.
Help me Father - to hear and understand... Amen.
Monday, January 13, 2014
January 13 - Psalm 74
January 13, 2014
Day 3 of Puppydom and all goes mostly well. Today will be the hardest test with us having to put her in the crate while we are at work. Luckily today it will be a short stint - and tomorrow I have off which means she will be with me for most of the day - But Wednesday thru Friday will be hard with both Jason and me working 8-5ish shifts.
My morning routine will have to shift to be earlier - not just because of Apple, but because work hours are changing from 10am to 9:30am for me on some mornings. Going to be hard =P But here we go - All the changes!
Already so joyful to have her... Already glad for the expansion in our lives.
My neck has been twinging awfully though - worse than I've had it in the past... Hoping that will go away. Feels silly to ask Your help with it - but I guess nothing is too small... or too big.
Psalm 74
It strikes me how similar the situation of the world is between then and now. I suppose it shouldn't surprise me, after all the years of knowing that the world is stuck in the same awful place - just the trappings and circumstances have changed. The same brokenness and destruction of sanctuary and worship remains... Especially for Israel where so much violence and antagonism surrounds it.
Asaph looks at the violence and brokenness of this world and declares a beautiful truth:
"Yet God my king is from of old,
working salvation in the midst of the earth."
Despite the brokenness in all of the world - Lord - from all throughout history - and even now - in the midst of all that brokenness - you are working salvation and redemption.
I want to be a part of that Father - I want to be a part of the reconciliation and restoration of this world. Help me Father because I'm not sure where to begin... I know you send each one of us out daily - in all the circumstances we are in - to be your image bearers in the midst of the brokenness. Help me Father to know what that looks like in my own life - today.
I pray that I might be your image bearer today Lord - in all I do... Help me to be unafraid to live and speak the gospel.
Amen.
Love Always -
Woo
Day 3 of Puppydom and all goes mostly well. Today will be the hardest test with us having to put her in the crate while we are at work. Luckily today it will be a short stint - and tomorrow I have off which means she will be with me for most of the day - But Wednesday thru Friday will be hard with both Jason and me working 8-5ish shifts.
My morning routine will have to shift to be earlier - not just because of Apple, but because work hours are changing from 10am to 9:30am for me on some mornings. Going to be hard =P But here we go - All the changes!
Already so joyful to have her... Already glad for the expansion in our lives.
My neck has been twinging awfully though - worse than I've had it in the past... Hoping that will go away. Feels silly to ask Your help with it - but I guess nothing is too small... or too big.
Psalm 74
It strikes me how similar the situation of the world is between then and now. I suppose it shouldn't surprise me, after all the years of knowing that the world is stuck in the same awful place - just the trappings and circumstances have changed. The same brokenness and destruction of sanctuary and worship remains... Especially for Israel where so much violence and antagonism surrounds it.
Asaph looks at the violence and brokenness of this world and declares a beautiful truth:
"Yet God my king is from of old,
working salvation in the midst of the earth."
Despite the brokenness in all of the world - Lord - from all throughout history - and even now - in the midst of all that brokenness - you are working salvation and redemption.
I want to be a part of that Father - I want to be a part of the reconciliation and restoration of this world. Help me Father because I'm not sure where to begin... I know you send each one of us out daily - in all the circumstances we are in - to be your image bearers in the midst of the brokenness. Help me Father to know what that looks like in my own life - today.
I pray that I might be your image bearer today Lord - in all I do... Help me to be unafraid to live and speak the gospel.
Amen.
Love Always -
Woo
Sunday, January 12, 2014
January 10: Psalm 73
January 10, 2014
Woke up this morning to a grey and rainy day - one of my favorites =)
I was worried it was Saturday and Jason and I had forgotten to set an alarm for getting up to go get Apple =P One more day... everything will change. I wonder if I'm up for the challenge?
Feel so full and at peace Father - just feel like snuggling up in a fluffy cloud blanket in Your Arms and just quietly observe the world today.
I wonder who Asaph was... such a man of prayer and contemplation. I love how thoughtful his psalms are - and how they are made up of the everyday struggles of man.
I feel like I have been and continue to be in the same place Asaph was in this psalm. So often I go out into the world that values money (such an imaginary, useless system anyway) so highly - and can't help but feel that as Jason and I struggle sometimes to stay financially afloat and try not to go into more debt - there are a decent number of people out there who have so much and a decent number of those people with whom I can't help but feel they really don't deserve it.
Whether I want to admit it or not, sometimes my thought is that maybe I should care more about money. Maybe if I were willing to give up certain things I would find the fulfillment in the monetary world that I seek - the whole thought of: "Maybe if we at least had x much - then things would feel better."
I mean - wanting to be financially stable - at least making enough money to get us out of debt - at least making enough money so that we don't have to count every thing we spend - at least having enough money that us having kids and me not working could be a thought we could entertain - at least having enough money that we are just comfortable - not worried about how we will make it paycheck to paycheck - That isn't wrong, is it Lord?
And I hear you say - it is if you think having more money will make you stop worrying. You worry because you do not trust me - and no amount of money will fix a distrust between you and me.
Sometimes I feel it is less about trusting You - than trusting that I understand what it is You are asking of me - but I recognize that in one way or another I have bought into the world's belief that financial stability is proof of a person's righteousness -it is proof that he/she is making "right choices." Wealth may not have always been obtained rightly - I think most of us realize that - but if you are suffering no consequences for having lots of it - then that seems a better choice than not having any - and it is hard to see what could be wrong with having and wanting more money. I begin to think:
"All in vain have I kept my heart clean
and washed my hands in innocence."
Because it would be nice to prosper rather than to deny myself what I want and urge myself to be patient and trust in You.
When I stop to try figure it out - this whole mess with money and faith and prosperity vs. "a successful life" - it feels like running around in a circle chasing my own tail - a futile endeavor to bring it to some conclusion.
But I love Asaph's response:
"But when I thought how to understand this,
it seemed to me a wearisome task,
until I went to the sanctuary of God,
then I discovered their end."
In your presence Lord, the presence of a God who is far more concerned about eternal destinies and the condition of our heart than our physical comforts and our "settling back to simply enjoy life" - things are put into proper perspective.
Wealth is a slippery place - the market constantly fluid and changing - falling to a ruin in a minute... If security were built on the stock market (as it is for some) what a terrifying life it must be - watching your life uptick and downswing with every change in the market. And when the whole flimsy structure occasionally falls through the floor - as it did in the recent past decade - it must feel sickening (as it has) if your confidence and peace is settled in the stability of the monetary world.
But when eternity comes into view - wealth is such a phantom - such a waste - so useless.
Despite being aware of this - I return time and time again to this same struggle of exalting wealth and financial stability and even "being a good steward of money" as something to be achieved - something to be concerned over - something to consume my mind and my thoughts and my actions - But Asaph rightly calls this being brutish and ignorant - like a beast. So concerned with gorging myself on the diet of security in money (playing with mud pies as C.S. Lewis would say) that I am ignoring the rich banquet of eternal things - things of so much greater value in your kingdom: time spent loving other people - being a witness of Your love - Your Son - Your glory - being concerned and having my mind filled with thoughts of who You would have me be and what You would have me do. In large part - You ignore money - knowing that in the eternal scheme of things - it is really not important at all. In fact, it is less than important - it is utterly meaningless in Your eyes.
Yet it is probably the number one distraction - the most consistent and persistent idol (i.e. financial comfort and stability) of my life...
"Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
You hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me into your glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever."
I have this image of this Father who is holding his daughter's hand as she tries to throw a tantrum because she isn't getting what she wants - And in love, he is refusing to give quarter to her tantrum... not just because she shouldn't have what she wants - but because he wants her to care about so much more than always getting her way and getting what she wants in life. Father - you want us to cultivate an appetite and desire for so much more than getting what WE want in life. And despite my continual disobedience and temper tantrums - You love me still - and continue to raise me up teach me - and discipline me - out of Your perfect love.
When held in your arms -there is never any question in my mind of Your perfect love for me. And you promise I have that forever and I have that always - no slippery footing - no fluid fluctuations - no falling through the floor because the housing bubble implodes.
"For behold (this is the truth - this is what happens... you cannot get away from this fact - God is TRUE life and therefore) those who are far from you shall perish;
You put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.
But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord God my refuge that I may tell of all your works."
Father - help me to be humbled and recognize my own weakness... When I am throwing a temper tantrum or beginning to whine - Help me Father by Your Holy Spirit to have your perspective and be far more concerned about the far more important eternal aspects of Your Kingdom than I am about "monetary stability" or financial wealth or the praise of men or recognition - or self righteousness - or any of the flimsy and false gods we want to prop up our lives and our meaning and our purpse. Help us to find all of that in You - that our lives would take up residence in You and be defined by You.
Amen.
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