Jan 2, 2014
Morning Father -
Earlier start to the morning today. Trying to make it into work a half hour early. It's no big deal if I don't - but would like to try to manage it anyway.
Probably more a contest of wills and pride than anything else. Need to learn to let the things that nettle me go... So hopefully I will have an attitude shift before I actually go into work - but I will need to have Your help with that.
Jack Frost has been busy - the cars in the parking lot are covered in some pretty fantastic designs.
It's strange writing knowing I will be putting this up on the blog - I can't tell if I'm self-editing already - even though there's no indication anyone is reading it yet anyway =P But still - I find myself thinking of other audiences other than you - exactly what I want to avoid in these times.
I am so consumed with thoughts about other people and what they think (the praises of men) so often in all other areas of my life - that at least here I want to come naked and unashamed - Focused not on how I am perceived and not even on who I am - but on You. Not even worrying about myself - which is how I spend the rest of the time I'm not worrying about other people - But in this time and place I want it to be about just coming before You and You alone. No distractions. No illusions.
...It is a constant fight.
And not just because of the blog - though I find myself returning to that when my brain loses concentration.
It's too early in the morning for all that stress - I feel You joke with me - and I'm inclined to agree. How well You know me - mornings are totally not my thing - and starting them with my mind going a mile a minute is already giving me a headache.
Deep breaths... Slow down... Stop thinking so much and just. be.
So nice to just take time to meditate and silence the noise within.
Have to be careful - sometimes it brings me close to falling asleep again still a little sleepy and the grey outside is soft enough to be lulling.
Still so tired feel like I need to shake myself like a dog or go back to bed for a few. Resisting that temptation because I really want to get to work early... though just 5 minutes may be a good idea.
... In normal circumstances I would take 5... and because I can't seem to get the jitteryness to die down - I think I might.
Father - help me! I am like a rabbit with a 5 second attention span right now.
...
Didn't help with the fog - but at least it helped with the insanity =)
Psalm 67
**May God be gracious to us and bless us
and make His face to shine upon us.
Selah
that your way may be known on earth,
your saving power among all nations.**
Let the people praise you, O God;
let all the peoples praise you!
Let the nations be glad and sing for joy,
for you judge the peoples with equity
and guide the nations upon the earth.
Selah
Let the peoples praise you, O God;
let all the peoples praise you!
The earth has yielded its increase;
God, our God, shall bless us
God shall bless us; let the ends of the earth fear him.
** OUR PURPOSE
Falling in and out of sleep as reading.
Feel like it's only working it's way into the 6 inches and will be washed out by tonight -
Have to keep stirring myself awake... which makes me sad because it's another praise Psalm - and I love when we have several of those in a row...
Lord, I pray your words would soak in like water to soil. Today I feel a little dry and resistant and struggling to stay awake - let alone able to process information. Thank you Father, for the gentleness of this Psalm.
Water me from your Word Lord -
And let it soak into my heart.
(I'm sorry I've been so weak this morning).
Amen.
