January 17, 2014
Such a beautiful sunrise this morning. Up early - but not as early as I should be - to get to work early today. Feels like a long week especially since I have to work tomorrow, but beginning to feel a peace and quiet settle over my soul.
I noticed yesterday typing up my blog posts from my journal how in the evenings my brain feels more organized... Must be because I'm not a morning person - but often reading back through my entries in the evening I feel like there was a ghost of an idea I was just beginning to latch onto that morning that maybe if I sat and studied that evening I might begin to piece together in greater clarity. Must have been why David meditated day AND night on Your Word.
I also noticed how rushed my entries have been lately... Trying to slow down and take a deep breath. I feel like we've been so busy lately I've been rushing from one thing to the next with my mind already racing ahead. Already yesterday I was trying to figure out the whole weekend and stressing out about it. One thing I realized when we got Apple a few days ago was that there is no rushing love. Taking those little moments to cuddle or settle her in or play with her - are worth it. She is happier - and so are we. I want to slow down and breathe... Not rush through life just focused on the next thing. Life and time are too precious to waste on rushing.
Psalm 77
Verse 10 has two translations:
1) "Then I said 'I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High.'"
or
2) "This is my grief: that the right hand of the Most High has changed."
It's interesting to me because that is a pretty pivotal verse in the psalm at an important place. All the verses before it are Asaph crying out to the Lord in trouble - in what St. John of the Cross called "the dark night of the soul" - where it seems like God has withdrawn and is remaining silent - despite us seeking him out. All the verses after verse 10 is recounting God's past power and faithfulness and reflecting on His depth.
In the first translation of the verse 10 - which seems the version my Bible (ESV) prefers - the psalm is about focusing on God's power and might - His past proven faithfulness - in the time of the dark night when it seems we are waiting forever for You to speak and make Your presence known again.
In the second translation it is mourning God's past power and faithfulness - almost as though that were lost - and wondering whether He will answer from His right hand in the same way He did before. Almost as though the Psalmist is reminding God - not just himself - of His past faithfulness and love.
I have been in both places - even at the same time - so perhaps that is what the psalmist meant.
I feel like I am not yet at the dark night of the soul - But perhaps in a twilight setting. I have found it harder to share at Bible study and felt like I've had less insight in Your Word - both in personal and group study. It feels a little bit like things are worn thin - like they are barely holding together their spiritual strength. Threadbare.
I know that in the midst of that it's important for me to keep coming before You and laying my life before You - because though it feels distant I know You are there. You want me to trust you and You are asking me to slow down and see You in all the world - in all my life - not just this little parcel of my life.
Sometimes it is hard to love you Father.
[Sometimes you people are hard to love] I hear you say - with a smile =)
Like Apple - I will crawl up into Your lap I think and snuggle in. I am tired today Father of all the little burdens I pick up that so easily weigh me down. Help me to lay them down - settle into You - and find strength and wisdom for my day.
*I love you Lord
And I lift my voice
To worship You
O my soul
Rejoice
Take joy my King
In what You hear
May it be a sweet, sweet sound
In Your ears.
Amen.
*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLK8eG2JcB8
