January 15, 2014
Morning Father,
had a very Martha day yesterday. Got a whole lot done - Including Apple's first appointment - Everything checked out ok - which we knew it would - but was nice to have reassurance.
She really has been a great dog... But a couple more nights of interrupted sleep and Jason and I will be running really ragged.
Such a beautiful morning - sunlight filters in and turns everything golden...
I want to stay in today and read fairytales... but today is the first day of a couple hard days for Apple in being alone and in her box. I don't think she'll take it as well as she's taken the crate.
It's funny - it feels like Jason and I are learning as much as she is: Not sure what will work - what won't - trying to find ways to make sure we aren't raising her to be a spoiled brat - but probably giving into her more than we should... I am sure it will be the same with kids - only ten times worse - and suddenly I'm very glad we aren't ready for kids yet!
It's kind-of terrifying to be in a place of such influence and yet feel completely not up to the task... Able to have such an impact - yet unable to control so much that affects the ultimate outcome. How do leaders do it? Do they realize the import of their decisions all the time - or does it become something you have to do while closing off some of you awareness or maybe hardening your heart to some of the harder consequences of your choices? I'm not sure I'd want to be that kind-of parent or that kind-of leader - But I'm not sure if it's something that happens by the fact that sometimes bad things or consequences must happen in order for us to learn... or whether by following your lead we could find balance between it all... Maybe a bit of both of those - since none of us follows perfectly.
Help me to have grace understanding that truth with Apple and my future kids Father... just as you have grace with me in the very same way. Amen.
Psalm 75
We give thanks to you, O God;
we give thanks for your name is near.
We recount your wondrous deeds.
"At the set time that I appoint
I will judge with equity.
When the earth totters, and all its inhabitants ,
it is I who keep steady its pillars.
[Selah]
I say to the boastful, 'Do not boast,'
and to the wicked, 'Do not lift up your horn;'
do not lift up your horn on high,
or speak with haughty neck.'"
For not from the east or from the west
and not from the wilderness comes lifting up,
But it is God who executes judgment,
putting down one and lifting up another.
For in the hand of God there is a cup
with foaming wine, well mixed,
and He pours out from it,
and all the wicked of the earth shall drain it down to the dregs.
But I will declare it forever,
I will sing praises to the God of Jacob.
All the horns of the wicked I will cut off,
but the horns of the righteous shall be lifted up.
"At the set time that I appoint, I will judge with equity."
Jason and I have been watching an American anime called Avatar. It's the second of the series and follows the adventures of a young woman empowered with control over the four elements: air, water, fire, earth. This whole first "season" of the show was about this internal rebellion in the city by this kind-of "V for Vendetta" figure who wants everyone - people with power over elements (called benders) and people without power (non-benders) treated the same and equably... It turns out that he was a fraud and power-hungry, but it bugged me because the show never went back and addressed the obvious inequality for the non-benders vs. the benders. Despite the villain being in the wrong for a lot of things - he had a point - and it was as though because he was flawed - His whole argument fell apart.
I suppose that is a lesson in and of itself to kids. In this world - trying to set things right does not always mean setting things equal...
"At the set time that I appoint."
...The Lord is waiting to judge...
Because when he does - it will shake the pillars of the earth.
Already it is he who keeps what little balance there is in the world - when he judges so many may fall.
"For not from the east or from the west
and not from the wilderness comes lifting up,
But it is God who executes judgement,
putting down one and lifting up another."
The cup that God has prepared will be potent indeed...
In Matthew Henry's commentary he brings references to the cups in Revelation - and though the cups mixed for God's followers (like Christ's cup of affliction on the cross) carry the affliction - they are mixed with God's judgement of grace and mercy to cover our sins... They are mixed with the wine/blood of Christ - which carries us through the affliction at the mercy of God's grace...
But the same cup of affliction for those who reject Christ - the antidote of his blood is not mixed in - and they drink in full the affliction mixed with the judgment of God -which drowns us at the depth of God's wrath for what is wrong in this world.
That is not an easy or comfortable thing for me to have to read or believe... But at the same time - I feel there is no one who should keep from being angry and indignant at the injustices in this world - and if they are indifferent or even revel in/take advantage of the injustices - most of us I believe feel they deserve their due justice... And yet all of us are part of the injustices of this world. Even in trying to live a life entirely conscientiously - Each one of us makes choices to which we refuse to acknowledge all the consequences - or at least, harden our hearts to them.
Is there any one of us who can live completely right, without making a mistake? or acting out of selfishness or anger or hurt?
Beyond that, just living well - or as well as we can - does not address the gaping hole of all humanity that continues to weep in its infection and great need for healing...
"But it is God who executes judgement,
putting down one and lifting up another."
It is much for me to understand and accept Father - what You mean by all of this and what You would have me do.
What would you have me do?
"We give thanks to you, O God;
we give thanks for your name is near.
We recount your wondrous deeds."
and
"All the horns of the wicked will cut off,
but the horns of the righteous shall be lifted up."
You do not have to understand everything, I hear you say to me - all you have to do is give me thanks for the cleansing and redemption and healing that has been done because of my sacrifice - and continue to work alongside of me -removing power from corrupt hands and supporting those who have good hearts and are seeking after the Lord.
Father - I want my impact and influence to be covered by you. Even help me to better understand what the needs of humanity are - and to be unafraid - yet gentle and loving and understanding when I share Your love that conquers darkness - even the abyss of black hole that consumes us all.
Lift my eyes and my spirit up Lord -
that I might better and clearer show You in Your perfect love and radiance - so that Your love and unwillingness to leave us in our need and despair (unanswered) would be evident in the midst of the calamitous cup you have mixed for each of us Lord - containing your judgment - equally dispensed to all: Grace for those covered by Christ's blood... Death for those who drink it without His blood to cover them.
Help me Father - to hear and understand... Amen.
