January 27, 2014
Late day going into work - working in the evening. I like it - almost feels like having a day off through I tend to be more productive it seems when I know I have to go into work later on =P
Spent some time in the pottery studio - Still fighting that sense of fear every time I throw something... Thinking to myself that I'm not working fast enough, producing enough, or at a high enough quality that I think it will sell.
This same fear of failure that pops up every time I write - wonder if I'll ever be rid of it.
One day at a time.
If I let my mind start I could let worry eat away at my whole life like a cancer.
Psalm 83
"O God, do not keep silence;
do not hold your peace or be still, O God!
For behold, your enemies make an uproar;
those who hate you have raised their heads.
They lay crafty plans against your people;
they consult together against your treasured ones."
The thing that caught my attention first in the Psalm is that you call us your "treasured ones" - it's a remark of such loving kindness that it just surprises me again - Your great affection for us... And that contrast between those who are your treasured ones versus your enemies.
Who are your enemies Lord? I know in a theoretical sense that it is all who reject you- but what does that mean? And why do we - any of us - including myself - reject you?
Personally I know I reject you most often because I feel what you ask of me is too much or too hard. Sometimes because there is no guarantee but the guarantee of faith - it makes me wonder - why follow You? Why believe in You? Total devotion - knowing no matter how much I give it will never be enough - and you acknowledge that but ask me to give it anyway... THAT is hard.... Give in trust or in sacrifice or in obedience - to lay my life down rather than serve my own interests - and not just every once in a while - but as a lifestyle - that our lives are meant to be living sacrifices - that is hard... Very hard.
Why do other people reject you? Because something seems inconsistent or not distinct enough from the others. How is Christianity any different than any other religion that inspires people to live a better life? Or in some cases, a worse one? Sure - WE believe in grace sufficient and alone to bring us to an eternal life we can neither prove nor guarantee - but it doesn't explain why someone else should believe.
According to Your Word - those who do not choose you are choosing NOT you -
And therefore, they are your enemy.
It's hard for me to wrap my head around that. Hard for me to accept that you have enemies - hard for me to preach that you have enemies - hard for me to see the reason why you have enemies... and what that all means today.
Other than in your Word - it is hard for me to see how people hate you today - Mostly I feel like their anger stems from feeling You have no right to tell us how we ought to spend our lives... that no one does - even though I think that truth (that other people/forces dictate our lives) is a truth we submit to everyday just by living in society.
Asaph (and many of the Psalms) ask that you wipe your enemies off the earth - put them to shame - let them be disgraced forever - but I feel like those are no longer prayers I can pray because I was once your enemy - and sometimes STILL reject You and fight against You and treat You as my enemy...
I can't ask that people who are in the same heart condition of mine (i.e., finding You hard to hold onto - hard to believe in - hard to follow) I can't ask for them to be destroyed, only that by greater grace and greater forgiveness and greater power than we have - that You would help us believe - follow - trust - in You. I know that by my own power and strength - I too oppose you - I too find you hard to stomach - I also reject you.
So how can I ask or pray that others who are in that same spot be cast out? Rather - I pray that they may be drawn near.
Drawn near - why? Because despite the hardness - relationship with you is good... and it really is life transforming.
I guess that's what Paul meant (or was it Christ?) who said "pray for your enemies - bless, don't curse them."
What enemies in people do I have? Not many - But I know many who are enemies of You - including myself at times (more times than I sometimes care to admit to myself).
Father I pray that You would draw us nearer... knowing that while we were yet sinners - while we were/are yet your enemies - Christ died for us. Father - your teachings are hard - They are hard to believe - They are hard to follow - they are hard to share... Help us Father - that's all I know to ask. Help us to have open eyes and open ears and open hearts - to draw us nearer, even when we are fighting you - to teach and mold us - even when we are rejecting You.
Lord, I pray that I would be a witness of Your power in brokenness - Your love in our failings. It is hard for us to admit we need anything - especially a divine being we can neither prove nor guarantee - who asks very hard things of us in faith...
Faith is a mystery - Trust in You is an impossible leap for us to make alone - and so Lord - I pray for all of us - not that Your wrath would be poured out - But Your Spirit instead - to break down barriers in hearts and to help us believe the impossible truth of your love.
Help us to understand what it means to be your treasured ones - not your enemies.
Amen.
