January 29, 2014
Goodness how time is flying. Already the month of January is almost over. I haven't done nearly as much research on grad schools as I had hoped =/
National College - now ANU - called me yesterday - offering me my old position with them - the one I kind-of started out with to begin with. I sent back a soft rejection - saying that I'm really enjoying working part-time right now and not looking for a full-time position.
Part of me wonders if people looking at my current situation see it as a waste of my talents and life - to be working part time at a retail store and piddling the rest of my life away. part of me wonders whether that's the REAL reason I'm looking into grad school. At least working part time as a professor is respectable and understandable for some people.
I feel like I could go back to working full time with "normal hours." The pay would be nice - it would help Jason and I get out of debt - but the other part of me thinks of how unhappy I was and unhappy I might be - would probably be - going back to work a conventional office/business position.
I believe I made the right decision - but there's still this little voice of doubt - not to mention the guilt that I still have not looked to my future or really done "real" research on grad schools...
Try it Whitney - before you give up on it...
Stop letting fears and doubts and excuses and laziness paralyze you.
Psalm 85
"Show us your steadfast love, O Lord,
and grant us your salvation.
Let me hear what God the Lord will speak,
for he will speak peace to his saints;
but let them not turn back to folly.
Surely his salvation is near tot hose who fear him.
that glory might dwell in our land.
Steadfast love and faithfulness meet;
righteousness and peace kiss each other.
Faithfulness springs up from the ground,
and righteousness looks down from the sky.
Yes, the Lord will give what is good,
and our land will yield its increase.
Righteousness will go before him
and make his footsteps a way."
What a beautiful Psalm Father. Reading it I feel peace descending on my soul - soft as snowfall. I want it to blanket the worry immediately - thick and fast - but this is a gentle covering - layer by layer.
Be at peace Whitney.
And I realize there is an activity to peace - and a disquiet in doing nothing.
Help me Lord not to sit idly by waiting for my life to happen - But to be active in the peace of my soul. Whether it is grad school or working and playing part time or pursuing whatever You may have in store for me - Father I pray that contentment and assurance would come from You alone... not from the praise of men or the world's approval.
What may look like a waste to others - may be Your cultivating a garden of fruits of the Spirit that I pray would bless many lives. Help me to learn that and trust it well Lord. Burrow it deep in my heart as a conviction of Your truth. Amen.
Thank you for the Psalm this morning. It is a gift.
