February 17, 2014
I keep waking up these mornings feeling defeated before I've begun. I hate when I get into these slumps where all my motivation for life feels limp and I don't really feel like doing anything at all.
Just like a shell waiting to be filled.
It ends up being a vicious cycle - who really wants to be around, hear about, have to engage with a defeated life? But then - what's the purpose at all of even trying if I already feel defeated? And around... and around...
I care about a defeated life - I hear you whisper to me. I care about taking a defeated soul and filling it with life and hope and dreams again. I care about it.
Why doesn't even that stir and move me?
Lord - help me today where I cannot help myself.
You are the breather of Life itself - breathe new life in me I pray Lord - that I might truly live in thanksgiving to You.
Psalm 93
The Lord reigns over all - Whitney,
He is robed in majesty - full of might and splendor.
The Lord is robed and He has put on strength as his belt -
power to conquer - ready for battle.
Yes, the world is established,
it shall never be moved.
His throne was established from of old
before time itself began: He was King.
He has lasted from eternity and will last into eternity.
The floods have lifted up, O Lord,
the floods have lifted up their voice in my life -
the floods lift up their roaring and it is deafening and numbing and I am silent before them.
Mightier than the thunders of many waters - Whitney
mightier than the waves of the seas,
the Lord on high is mighty!
Your decrees are very trustworthy, Lord -
I can build my life upon them.
Holiness - being set apart - benefits your house -
to which I belong
holiness befits you - Whitney -
O Lord - forever more - be established. Be I AM.
I was thinking earlier that I feel a little bit like when I was a little girl trying to wade out into the ocean - and there's a certain point where the waves are breaking that you have to make past in order to be beyond the smacking of the waves. The "surf point" I think it's called...
Anyways, it has always been my least favorite and most terrifying part of getting in the ocean (other than imagining every other awful swimming/floating real and imaginary thing in the water).
Especially as a little girl - and even now - I hated it because often these waves would smack into me and rip me off my feet - tumble me head over heels into sand and saltwater - and spit me out - coughing and choking and crying from the burn of salty water in every pore of my body - on shore.
And I was thinking - that's what I'm feeling like is happening spiritually right now... Like I'm getting smacked back - over and over and over again - and like I can't quite make it past the surf to the place of deeper waters and gently bobbing water-hills... that lift me up and off my feet but then wash through me and set me down before the next. Spiritually beaten by choppy waters Lord - and I don't want to try anymore.
Mightier than the thunders of many waters,
mightier than the waves of the sea,
the Lord on high is mighty.
I am mightier than the crushing waves, Whitney.
I am mightier than them in Your life.
Trust Me.
Help carry me through them - Father - or at least a greater courage and perseverance to continue meetin them head on.
Amen.
