March 19, 2014
Last entry in this journal - I've been going through them pretty quickly... Maybe "talking" too much =P
Had a rough day yesterday in attitude and so sick of the winter and cold and not being able to breathe. Today feels so much clearer in more ways than one. Maybe because we took yesterday evening off and had a restful night - maybe because Mom prayed for me - but woke up this morning much clearer in my lungs than I have been the past week and in a much better mood.
Still feel a little worn out and in need of a "reset" - but luckily Jason is taking tomorrow off with me and I'm looking forward to a nice day off with him. Been so tired lately - in need of a day of rest and this weekend is going to be kinda busy.
Psalm 108
I read the Psalm before starting today and have been pondering over the words "steadfast heart" and "glory."
What does it mean to have a steadfast heart Lord? What would it mean to be able to say that about myself/my life?
I don't know that I've ever had a steadfast heart - one wholly devoted to You - unwavering - determined... Your steadfast love I can kind-of see and understand - but I'm not sure how to apply those concepts to my heart. Is it possible for us as humans to have a steadfast heart? What did David mean when he wrote that? I wonder if he is one of the only ones to write that about himself... it makes me think about John and calling himself the "beloved disciple" - there's such a confidence there of relationship with You in both cases. Firm assurance in their identities in relation to You. Is my heart set on You Father? I know I am YOUR Beloved - are You mine? I want You to be... more and more my focus and my determination.
Why? Because You love me like that - Because I want to love other people like that - Because that is the only kind of love that transforms - Because it is the only kind of love that matters - Because there is nothing greater or better for my life to be about.
Make my heart steadfast Father - help me to become more the person You designed me to be - a better reflection and conduit of You.
Change my heart, O God
Make it ever true
Change my heart, O God
May I be like You.
The second thing that caught my attention is how glory and "all my being" are used interchangeably/translated interchangeably here (and in other places consistently I think). I like how Your glory is Your very essence - Your very being - so when David prays: "Let your glory be over all the earth!" He's really praying that Your being - Your presence - would permeate and invade every area of our world. When Paul says (I think in Philippians? Maybe Galatians?) that we all with unveiled faces are being transformed from glory unto glory as we gaze upon You - it means that our very essences - our very beings - are becoming more and more like Your essence - Your being.
When David prays "for the sake of Your glory - bring salvation" - he is saying not because we merit it - not because we deserve it - but because of who You are - for the sake of Your name - from the basis that it is Your nature - it is Your personality - it is You - to love and forgive. It is who you are - From that aspect is what David is praying for.
And when we say we want all we do to be to Your glory - we want it to be alongside of - in connection to - because of - driven by - attributed to: who You are - Your being - Your personality. Because of who You are.
The fullness of You...
And I want my glory (the fullness of me) to be spent in glorifying, extolling, continuing, perpetuating - the fullness of who You are - Your mystery - Your power - Your love.
"My heart is steadfast, O God!"
"I will sing and make melody with all my being/glory."
Father I pray that someday I may be able to say that -
That my heart is steadfast
That I worship you with all my being.
By Your glory - by Who You are - by Your love - that transforms our hearts - help me Father to get there someday I pray.
Amen.
